Lisa Lampanelli offers tips on visiting Las Vegas and seeing her show

The Queen of Mean Lisa Lampanelli returns to Las Vegas on Saturday, April 4, as part of the “Lipshtick — The Perfect Shade of Stand Up” comedy series featuring female comedians at the Venetian. Last month, her one-hour special “Tough Love” debuted on Comedy Central with her trademark comedy that combines the raunchiness of Don Rickles and Archie Bunker with a dose of femininity.

Here the equal-opportunity offender talks about some her favorite shows in Las Vegas, where you can always find her dining and more.

You do meet and greets with the VIP package. What’s the funniest thing that’s happened with that so far?
They’re never funny people. They’re always awestruck. I always wonder, “Is someone important here? Really? Is Kathy Griffin behind me?” I really hate it when people try to be funny with me. You paid for the ticket, I’m the funny one.

Is there any topic that’s sacred, that you won’t touch?
No, unless I can’t make it funny. My job is to provide punchlines. If I’m trying to make something funny and it’s not, that’s where I draw the line. A lot of comics who are good can make anything funny.

What are some of your new favorite topics?
For the show in Vegas, I talk about my divorce, my weight loss, my struggle with food over the years. I’m trying to be a nicer person but that’s blowing up in my face. I talk about things I go through on a day-to-day basis and make fun of it from that point on.

So who would you like to see perform in Vegas if you weren’t working?
Always “Penn & Teller.” They are the type of guys who are always updating. They’re geniuses. I don’t know how they do it. That show stays fresh over the years. “Rock of Ages” is my favorite show. I’m a metal momma from way back.

I read that you love to dine at Carnevino. What do you like to order there for your new diet?
I’m a creature of habit. Every single meal in the past year has been there. It’s not like they give me a break on the price. They’re scoundrels. I think they double charge me because I’m a rich bitch. I’m always the short rib girl. They have a 12-foot long noodle without a break in it, and with the lamb ragout or the meat sauce, it’s the No. 1 thing probably in the world. They don’t pay me to say that. I’m surprised they can create such a long noodle and they’re not Japanese.

At the Venetian, at least driving through the parking garage, it seems like 60 percent of the cars are from California. Any tips for California visitors?
Come to my show. It’s the best show you’ve ever seen in your life. Don’t heckle me. Guess who wins? LL, and I’m not talking about LL Cool J.

Tickets to Lisa Lampenelli start at $49.50.

Tickets: Venetian, (702) 414-9000