Before we get going, here's a semi-spoiler alert: William Close and his earth harp did not win "
Moving on: At what point does a results show stop being a results show? How far into the episode must you get before you're privy to well, you know, some results? In the season finale of 'America's Got Talent' it was almost 90 minutes into a two-hour show before any sort of elimination kicked in.
Oh yeah, if you forgot, here's the six 'AGT' contestant that are left: The Untouchables, William Close, Tom Cotter, David Garibaldi and his CMYK's, joe Castillo, and Olate Dogs. Before the results are revealed however, the results show was an exercise in time-killing, full of live bands, montages that lovingly looked back at the season, and live performances that paired the final six with musicians.
The first pairing was David Garibaldi and his CMYK's with Flo-Rida, who performed "I Cry," as Garibaldi fistpumped across the stage, creating aportrait of Flo-Rida. After that, Ne-Yo performed 'Let Me Love You' and desperately asked viewers to buy his album. Look, I know this is 'AGT,' a summer replacement reality show that I think way too hard about, but the contestants are living, breathing content and that's pretty strange.
Yes, the one of them wins a million bucks, and they get to perform in Vegas, but they perform in the 'AGT' Vegas show, which is a slightly absurd situation: You compete on a show to get the chance to headline that same show's show in Vegas? It was depressingly clear that these result shows are just an excuse for some synergy between the music industry and the
Next was William Close who performed along with One Republic, who sang their hit, 'Feel Again.' The whole thing felt a little beneath Close who has this vaguely distinguished vibe, but he went along with it. In the pre-performance video, Howard said this of Close about the first he saw him, "We found a winner, we can go home." That's what I thought too
Following Close and One Republic was Frankie J, a Latin pop star some label is trying to move into the American market. He performed with both Olate Dogs and the Untouchables. Then, Burton Crane, the rapping old dude in a pimp suit from earlier this season was paired with
Yes, E-40. That probably doesn't mean too much to most of the viewers, but it's a little mindboggling. See, E-40 is cult weirdo rapper who has been around for more than twenty years. When Lil Jon ruled the radio a half-decade ago, he had a hit with "Tell Me When To Go," but that was just a mainstream peak in one of the most accomplished rap careers, well ever.
I'm trying to think of a rock n'roll analogue. Like imagine if say, the
I've mostly skipped over those little interstitial montages, but there was one where
So, Cotter returned with some zingers, saying Howie looked like "a gay pirate," calling Howard the lovechild of "Big Bird and Joey Ramone," and praising Sharon for being able to speak both English and "Ozzy."
A few more montages I don't even remember led into Joe Castillo doing his sand art while the PS22 Chorus performed a cover of
That left Tom Cotter, William Close, and Olate Dogs. But before that happened
The Nick Cannon clip party was introduced by Howard, who noted Nick's "compassion" with the guests and it seemed sincere, despite it really just being a segue. For real, Nick's kind of the only human being of the four, and it's always up to him to be on the side of the contestants and occasionally, referee the arguing judges.
And finally, the winner. William Close is announced as the first non-winner, which was a shock. The audience booed and I have to admit, I booed my television as well. The other way to look at it though, is that at this point, it's a bit of a popularity contest and Close is less appealing than a handsome comedian and oh-my-God-doggies!