Mac 'n' cheese: The results

Flawed strategist that I am, I chose the Pork Mac, which was chock full of pulled pork, cheddar cheese sauce, BBQ sauce, bacon and topped with more baked cheddar cheese. I figured the pulled pork would take up at least a pound or two on its own (which wound up being true), which is better than eating just five pounds of noodles and cheese, right? So very, very wrong. The Pork Mac actually tastes pretty great. The smoky BBQ flavor of the pork adds a lot to the cheddar sauce and noodles, while a nice baked cheddar crust ties the whole thing together. Problem is, when five pounds of Pork Mac come out in a steam tray, it's molten hot -- the sauce is liquified, and it's difficult to pick up solid chunks with a fork. Meanwhile, the oil from the pulled pork adds a layer of grease to the mix. The two pounds went down in 20 minutes -- a good pace. After 30 minutes, it stopped being fun. The cheddar and cream sludge started to congeal, and my bites were getting smaller and more labor intensive. I decided to take a break for a minute and let things settle down a bit. After 40 minutes, I'm pretty sure I was hallucinating. The sweet smoky BBQ flavor made my mouth hurt, like cheesy battery acid. When the hour ended, I've only eaten about two and a half pounds. I physically couldn't swallow anymore. I just wanted to take off my pants, or throw up -- or both. I went home in defeat, with two pounds of leftover mac 'n' cheese in tow. --Evan Siple
Evan Siple, Baltimore Sun
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