Like, gag us with a spoon. For its 30th anniversary, Artscape is going all 1980s on us. So we figured that now’s the time to determine once and for all which was the better 10-year period: the ’80s or ’90s. Let the battle begin!
’80s: Neon; torn sweat shirts and leg warmers; the “Miami Vice” look; shoulder pads; goth
’90s: Grunge; “Blossom” hats; bell-bottom sleeves; cargo shorts/pants; babydoll dresses; that T-shirt-under-a-suit thing
Winner: Tough one, but the ’80s ekes out a win (mostly thanks to not introducing cargo shorts/pants).
’80s: Miracle on Ice; Pete Rose the record-breaker; Pete Rose banned from baseball; 1985 Chicago Bears; Mary Lou Retton; Navratilova/Evert; Michael Jordan enters the NBA
’90s: Harding/Kerrigan; Mike Tyson, champ and ear-biter; Dan vs. Dave; Buffalo Bills, always the bridesmaid; NASCAR; Yankees dominance
Winner: So close, but come on. Michael Jordan starting out? The ’85 Bears?! You can’t beat the ’80s here.
’80s Fishnets; fun sex; “Material Girl”; not telling Pepsi that the video tied to a spokeswoman deal features burning crosses; Sean Penn
’90s: Vouging; weird ‘Sex’; trying to tell us that she could have played baseball during World War II; Warren Beatty/Dennis Rodman
Winner: 1980s! More fun, less poseur.
’80s: Introduction of the Honda Accord; something actually called the Ford Probe; station wagons; places for music-video chicks to writhe upon
’90s: SUVs; the new VW Beetle; the omnipresent Ford Focus; Porsche Boxster; huge-ass trucks you need a ladder to get into
Winner: Much love for the Accord, but the 1990s was sleeker.
’80s: Gelled, moussed, sprayed. Big, basically. And don’t forget the scrunchie
’90s: The “Rachel”; Caesar cut; long sideburns; whatever Vanilla Ice was sporting
Winner: We’re giving this one to the ’90s. We’re pretty sure ’80s hair products are responsible for the hole in the ozone layer. Prove us wrong, Al Gore.
’80s: Bill Cosby sweaters; Alex P. Keaton; “Alf”; the TGIF lineup; the good years of “Kids Incorporated”; “Cheers”
’90s: Tim Allen; “ER”; “Law & Order” chungs its first chung-chung; the good years of “The Simpsons”; NBC’s “Must See” lineup
Winner: The Cosby factor is significant, but we’re going with the ’90s quality over the dominance of cheesy family sitcoms.
’80s: Rubik’s Cube; slap bracelets; Trapper Keepers; Cabbage Patch Kids; Teddy Ruxpin
’90s: “The Macarena”; Tickle Me Elmo; Lilith Fair; rollerblades; Napster; Beanie Babies
Winner: '80s. We’d take slap bracelets over “The Macarena” any day. We assume you’d do the same.
FINAL TALLY: ’80s takes this one, 4-3. Totally rad.
Jordan Bartel is assistant editor at b. Email him at email@example.com or follow him on Twitter, @jordanbartel