Singing a different tune on steroid issue

Mr. Flip Productions is proud to present, direct from the Ramada Inn on Route 9 in Lakewood, N.J., presenting her one-woman tribute to the great Connie Francis, Miss Francie Conway!

OK, we couldn't quite afford such high-class entertainment here at The Flip Side, but if Miss Conway were here, we have a song she could sing, exploring the issue of baseball and steroids and performed to the tune of that great Connie Francis smash, "Where the Boys Are."

Where the 'roids are

Home runs wait for me

With each needle pinch

Biceps grow an inch

The fans cheer endlessly

When I hit one

It sails far through the night

Only half a swing

And the ball goes zing

The press praises my might

Will they catch me?

Could I be so dumb?

Where the 'roids are

Where the 'roids are

Where the 'roids are

There'll be a home run

  • When it comes to celebrity fans, Cincinnati has Nick Lachey and Kentucky has Ashley Judd. Final score in NCAA second round: Kentucky 69, Cincinnati 60.

    Was there ever any doubt?

    "I'm trying to be for Cincinnati basketball what Ashley is for UK basketball," Lachey said after the Bearcats won their first-round game.

    Lachey is a former member of the boy band 98 Degrees whose biggest claim to fame is having married pop princess Jessica Simpson and then co-starring with her in MTV's chronicle of their life together, Newlyweds. Lachey, a Cincinnati native who attended Miami, Ohio, frequently has been seen on the show wearing a University of Cincinnati baseball cap.

    Judd is writing a column for the Lexington Herald-Leader during the tournament, though she couldn't attend the Wildcats' first two games. The actress was in South Africa visiting Nelson Mandela.

    Asked about Judd before his Bearcats played Kentucky, coach Bob Huggins said: "I'm going to stay away from that. It got [ESPN analyst Rick] Majerus in a lot of trouble."

    For those who don't recall, Majerus said at the end of a game that he was hoping for a Judd sighting so he wouldn't have to watch adult videos at his hotel.

    At least no one has ever said that about Lachey.

  • A 68-year-old man who had fallen through the ice on a pond near Berlin was finally rescued after several unsuccessful attempts when a police officer with discus-throwing experience scored a direct hit with a fling of the life ring.

    "It has been years since I last threw a discus," officer Andreas Bunkus, 38, was quoted as saying by "I'm glad to see I've still got what it takes."

    Added The Seattle Times' Dwight Perry, "As for the rescued man, we assume he's just happy the department's javelin champ happened to be off duty."

  • Advertisement