After weeks – months! – of audiences being inundated with promos for
The first half of the premiere (with a second round of blind auditions coming at 8 p.m. Monday) consisted of a lot of background info, courtesy of host
But that’s chill – at least we get some phenomenal voices in the (overly complex) process. A few of those voices turned out tonight, with a few moments of “meh” as well. But here’s the great part – on “The Voice,” even “meh” is 10 times more entertaining than the most atrocious of first-round auditions on “
Let's break it down. At the end of the first show of blind auditions, as the judges start to build up their teams, this is what they wound up with:
Team Blake: RaeLynn, a 17-year-old from Texas, was practically born to be on Blake’s team. A lil’ country flower who takes care of the animals on her parents’ farm, RaeLynn and her rendition of
Team Christina: Jesse, a 42-year-old single dad from Los Angeles who makes his living singing at churches, weddings or "wherever he's needed." CeeLo pushed the button, swinging his chair around to offer a spot on his team barely two notes into Jesse's "A Song For You." All the judges turned their chairs, bickering and making their pitches for Jesse to join their team, but he ultimately went with Christina, and her ample bosom.
Christina also scooped up a 29-year-old
Team CeeLo: Juliet, 25, who belted out
Team Adam: Tony Lucca, former Mouseketeer and winner-of-Sara’s-heart. A former Mouseketeer singing
Which brings us to:
The Moment I Almost Truly Liked Christina This Week: She almost didn't get this highly coveted award because SHE DIDN'T RECOGNIZE TONY WHEN HE AUDITIONED. You used to work together! My goodness, lady! Tony handled the situation with class and grace when Carson Daly spoke with him after he walked off stage (which is more than I would have done – I'd have asked point-blank on stage: "Christina! Don't you remember me?"). Christina redeemed herself – after Tony left the stage, a look of realization crossed her face and she ran backstage to find him. Quite a lovely reunion, capped off with words for the ages: "Tony, Britney used to have such a crush on you!"
The "Why CeeLo Green is Cooler Than You" Moment of the Night: His appearance in the Super Bowl halftime show? His inexplicable cradling of a white, long-haired cat during expository clips on the show? His weird sexualization of vocalist critiques that make me strangely uncomfortable? (IE – "Your voice touched me deep down," or "Your voice, it turned me on.") I can't choose – these are all reasons CeeLo reigns supreme.