The ladies are back in Orange County tonight, all in various stages of recovery from their trip to Costa Rica.
For her part, Vicki is content to forget all about it and move on to making life in the O.C. more tolerable for herself and her man. In her confessional interview, Vicki laments that she cannot handle any more attacks on Brooks, which is an appropriate segue to the scene where she fires her own stealth missile against her beau on national television.
Vicki, who as you will remember took great offense to being compared to Miss Piggy, decides that she needs to 'do something' about Brook's teeth and proudly asserts: "I'm putting Humpty Dumpty back together again." Wow.
Later that night, Tamra lies to Eddie over dinner and says that she and Alexis got into it "just a little bit" while in Costarexico. Tamra states that the pretenterverntion was all Heather's idea. Weeelllll, technically it was, but Tamra failed to mention that she was the puppeteer with her hand up Heather's bum when Heather voiced her "idea." Ever the ignorer of red flags, Eddie announces that Tamra is going to do Tahiti and Tamra's face lights up for all the wrong reasons.
So off they go to Bora Bora, which is pretty Boring Boring because all Tamra can talk about is waiting for an engagement ring. By her own admission, she actually has proposal face (don't worry -- there's an ointment for that).
Rumor has it that Eddie only proposed because Bravo told him to. And bought the ring. And paid for the trip. And has exclusive rights to filming the wedding, filming the birth of the first child and filming the circumcision. Thanks to some shrewd negotiating, at least the baby will receive a complimentary Mazel Tov onesie.
In the "Things I Never Thought I'd Say" file, Alexis does a great job live on-location for her Fox 5 segment. Some people need vocal exercises and practice, but it appears that all Alexis needs is the emotional bruising and trauma of a verbal beatdown in order to focus and deliver a successful performance.
I didn't think she deserved to be on the receiving end of the other ladies' hate in Costa Rica, so I am actually pretty proud of our little Lex.
Not to be outdone by any other O.C. storyline, Gretchen and Slade act out their little drama. Tonight's vignette is titled "I Love You, But I Love Me More." I don't know how you accidentally see a text on someone else's phone, but this is how Gretchen finds out that Slade is trying to buy her a ring. Operative word: trying. She confronts him on this and a heated discussion ensues.
Despite the fact that she says "right now" 25 times in three minutes, Gretchen actually makes some great points: She is not ready for marriage and she is definitely not ready to assume Slade's large debts. The surprise twist in the plot is that Slade makes some great points too. He wants Gretchen to know how much she means to him regardless of what her response to a marriage proposal would be.
Both are right in their own ways, but neither seems willing to put the other's needs in front of their own. I know they love each other, but I don't know if this relationship is sustainable.
There's not much to care about over in Heather's world (as usual), but she is planning a party to celebrate her new name. The party will be featured next week and this is only interesting because we get to see the return of Sarah Winchester. According to her own press, Sarah is an heiress to the Winchester Rifle fortune.
I, along with 3 million other viewers have been completely confused since the season debuted in February -- in 18 episodes, Sarah has been on the show for a season total of about 3 minutes, but she has written a Bravo blog every week. Something's not right about that -- it will be good to see why she feels entitled to an opinion about this season.
Also next week, we get another surprise [insert ominous music here] Jeana Keough is back.
You know you're a bad-ass if you quit the show two years ago but they still bring you in at the end of every season. Her (almost) ex-husband and son are both professional baseball players, but Jeana is the real closer.
What do you think: Will Jeana bring the heat or will she choke? Let me know in the comments below and be sure to follow me on Twitter @MutesVoiceCopyright © 2014, Los Angeles Times