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'America's Next Top Model All-Stars' Episode 2 recap

Personal ServiceAshlee SimpsonArts and CulturePhotographyAmerica's Next Top Model (tv program)Courtney Love

So many hot-dog jokes, so little time.

It was all about branding, makeovers and a Pink's hot dog photo shoot Wednesday night. And that's really what they models needed: a lesson on promoting their brand, a good ol' fashioned Ty-over (this blog will be the one and only time you'll ever see me use that word) and a hot dog. Seriously, some of you ladies need the extra calories.

But one of the models didn't make the grade.

SPOILERS AHEAD!

Dear jumpsuit-loving Sheena was sent home while Lisa, in all of her patriotic glory, was called first. Here's how it all went down:

WHAT'S YOUR BRAND?

Because it wouldn't be "Top Model" without defining someone with one generic word, "Brandwashed" author Martin Lindstrom told the girls what their fans were saying about them and what their brand word was.

I know I love it when some guy who just met me tells me exactly who I am, but, please, Martin, go ahead!

No surprises anywhere — people think Alexandria's annoying (no kidding), Lisa is crazy (because we couldn't guess that from her American flag pants) and Allison is quirky.

One thing that was a little off was Lindstrom telling Kayla that using LGBT as part of her branding was so "five years ago." That's right, being a lesbian is totally 2006. What were you thinking, Kayla? Gosh! Instead, her word was "free." Speaking of LGBT, Isis' word was "inspiration." Love it!

MAKEOVER!

The Jays and Ashlee Simpson surprised the girls with *gag* "Ty-overs."

Sorry, Tyra. I refuse to write, say or even think the phrase "Ty-over," any more, no matter how well you can make a girl cry from just cutting her hair.

And, oh, cry they did.

Most of the models looked exactly the same after getting a manicure, pedicure, facial and hair cut, but a few got a new look.

Alexandria cried tears of joy — and screamed — when her hair was chopped off (why do they do anything to encourage this woman?), Bianca got extensions, not a weave (because that's "tacky." You heard it here first, folks), and Bre nearly quit the show because she got a super cute and super short haircut after growing out her hair for-ev-er. Life is rough.

Even Nigel got his hair buzzed off before judging, and for good reason. He looked ridiculous. I never want to see Nigel Barker with a full head of hair ever again. Got it, Nigel?

HOLY HOT DOGS, ALL-STARS

I'll try to keep the hot-dog jokes to a minimum, I swear.

The girls had to create their own Pink's hot dog (Pink's is a famous hot-dog stand in Hollywood, for those of you who've never been out west or don't keep up with the world of hot dogs). Then they had to be shot eating the hot dog while promoting the brand word they were given.

If you ever wondered what a model looked like with chili all over her face, then wonder no more.

Laura killed it and wasn't afraid of getting a little messy during the shoot (please, try to refrain from laughter). Lisa was also fantastic with her bun-less veggie hot dog. Though she did look like a drunk Courtney Love after a fast food run.

Kayla struggled, but I don't blame her. I wouldn't know how to look "free" while eating a hot dog either. Shannon was incredibly dull — I actually forgot her name for a few seconds — and, frankly, should've been called further down the list. Sheena was fine. Nothing great, but she looked pretty. At least she didn't have food all over her.

STILL IN THE RUNNING TO BECOME AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL ALL-STAR...

Crazy, daring Lisa was called first for having the best photo. Apparently the judges don't take into consideration poor patriotic fashion choices.

Kayla and Sheena fell to the bottom two and Sheena was ultimately told to pack up her amazing jumpsuits and go home.

Heart broken!

I adore Sheena and I'll definitely miss her sauciness.

AND THE AWARD FOR THE BEST NATTY BOH IMPRESSION GOES TO:

The lovely and adorable Allison! Her best picture from the hot dog photo shoot showed Ms. Allison from a profile with only one eye showing. Looks like Utz girl has some competition ...

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