Twitter envy: What do Buffett and Bieber have that I don’t?

Try as I may, I just can’t figure out Twitter.

This peevish sentiment was stoked by news that investment guru Warren Buffett joined the itty-bitty-blogging site on Thursday and started piling up the followers at a rate of about 1,000 per minute.

He now has nearly 300,000 followers.

And he’s sent out, as of this writing, all of two tweets. In the first, he declared that he’s now tweeting. In the second, he urged followers to read his essay on women and the economy.

I can only imagine the excitement among his 300,000 followers.

My Twitter envy isn’t new. I’ve studied Justin Bieber’s posts for some hint as to how he’s amassed more than 38 million followers. Let me say that again: Thirty-eight million followers.

Here’s his latest pearl of wisdom as of this writing: “just chillin with the fellas in Dubai. no big deal. haha.”

I know I sound like a whiner, but if I tweeted that sort of thing, I’d be losing followers faster than my cat sheds fur (and you should see my couch these days).

Back to Buffett: Does anyone really think he’s going to drop any investment tips in his Twitter feed? Like out of the blue he’ll say, “Blue Horseshoe loves Endicott Steel”?

Considering the guy doesn’t even own a computer, you’ve got to wonder how committed he is to the care and feeding of his Twitter base.

That’s not to say a guy like Buffett (or Bieber, for that matter) doesn’t deserve heaps of Twitter love. These are very famous people, and Twitter creates the illusion of actually being close to such folk. I get it.

You just have to wonder what us lesser-knowns are supposed to do to score followers. Tweet like hell? Buy them? Beg for them?

Yeah, I like that last one.

@Davidlaz. Follow me. Please.

Pretty please?

I love Endicott Steel.

And Dubai.

Really.