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Heat coach talks, Nonsense Alert Level raised

For all the stuff that would make you sick as a Bulls fan

from Game 2 of the Eastern Conference finals, the pathetic attempt at self-importance by

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Heat

valet

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Erik Spoelstra
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would be on the list.

The subject was the performance of Heat center

Udonis Haslem

. Spoelstra called the previously rehabbing Haslem a “warrior,’’ and that’s fine. Haslem made a difference in the second and third quarters on Wednesday night.

But it was by accident. Haslem was in the game purely out of desperation. His appearance has nothing to do with the soul-penetrating vision that Spoelstra tried lamely to foist on everybody. Jeez, how insecure is the guy?

After Haslem gave the Heat 13 points that

Carlos Boozer

couldn’t give the Bulls and provided better energy than

Joakim Noah

, Spoelstra shoveled “there was a look in his eye, and I knew it was time.’’

Make. Me. Puke.

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Look, the blathering Heat coach, who looks like he won a golden ticket for "Take Your Child to Work'' Day, had a bunch of clods out there. Starting center

Joel Anthony

got two early fouls. In came

Jamaal Magloire

, who picked up a foul in four seconds and got another within two minutes. Spoelstra had no choice but to play Haslem, who, by the way, stunk early. I mean, Boozer blocked one of his shots, and Boozer can’t jump anymore.

But Spoelstra talks like he’s the shaman of South Beach. More like the crock of

Coconut Grove

. Can

Pat Riley

give him an original thought by Sunday?

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