From the Cubicle

SportsProfessional BaseballField HockeyBaseballChicago CubsRyan TheriotRich Hill

The visitors' clubhouse at Wrigley Field is roughly three times the size of a standard office cubicle.

It's long and narrow with players shoulder-to-shoulder, sometimes on top of each other. The cramped confines present an extra problem when the San Francisco Giants come to town.

People from the Museum of Science and Industry have lent a hand and some special equipment recently employed to move the famed World War II U505 submarine to its new underground home along 55th Street.

Cubs and Giants clubhouse personnel, along with the help of ushers, vendors, security staff, P.R. representatives and Ronnie Woo, have been up all night alternately pushing and pulling.

Involving many winches, a layer of Vaseline and a lot of patience, it's a painstakingly slow and deliberate process just to get Barry Bonds' head through the clubhouse, down the stairs ,and out the narrow tunnel that leads to the first-base dugout.

Bonds and his Sputnik-sized cranium have played their best baseball of the season recently, going 14-for-26 with three homers, three doubles and seven RBIs in his last nine games.

Alas, there are conflicting reports that the head is wedged like Winnie the Pooh somewhere in the tunnel and will not be in the lineup today.

Actually I have no idea why Bonds won't play today. I assume he's resting. Fans in attendance can take solace that the Ronny Cedenos, the Ryan Theriots, the Shea Hillenbrands of the world will play. Gamers.

Rich Hill goes against Noah Lowry and we'll have every thrilling moment for you. Baseball soon.

First inning

What was the most memorable moment of the ? Ryan Theriot makes a nice diving stop to rob Randy Winn of a hit for the first out. The great Omar Vizquel flies out to Matt Murton in left and Rich Hill is perfect through 2/3 of an inning. Shea Hillenbrand, who is having a better time with the Giants because Felipe Alou is much easier to take in a fight than Blue Jays manager/tough guy John Gibbons, strikes out on a high fastball for the final out.

To answer Big Head Spotter on the message board, my large head is naturally big. Juan Pierre grounds out to Hillenbrand at first. Theriot bounces out to third for the second out. Aramis Ramirez lines out to Feliz at third and here's Rick Sutcliffe favorite George Clooney with a Budweiser commercial.

No score

Second inning

Moises Alou, another member of our Big Head Club, lines a double down the left-field line. Ray Durham hits it deep to center, but Pierre is there to make a nice running catch. Moises tags and takes third. Todd Linden takes a called third strike on a big curve from Hill. Pedro Feliz works the count full before grounding out to Ramirez on another big, fat curve.

Derrek Lee steps to the plate for his first home at-bat coming off his latest stint on the DL. It's quite a moment. Lee lifts a flyball to left, where Todd Linden can't buy a clue. He runs back to the track, drops his glasses and then throws up his hands. The ball falls safely about 20 feet to his right. Lee stops at second. Barrett lines one to right but Moises is there on the run for the first out. Lee takes third. Jacque Jones slices a double the other way to the left-field corner to score Lee. Linden wasn't sure if the ball was fair or not. What's with this guy? Sorry, Jack Jones on the message board but I used Big Palpi the other day. Murton draws a walk. Ronny Cedeno lines a single to center and Jones hustles home from second. Rich Hill bunts but the Giants go to second and get Cedeno, who got a bit tangled with Vizquel on the play. Let's hope some of Vizquel's mojo rubbed off on Cedeno. First and third with two outs for Pierre, who lines out to Linden.

Cubs 2, Giants 0

Third inning

Huh, no Wavin' Walgreen's celebrity batkids today because the school year has started. Big letdown. Todd Greene grounds out to Cedeno. Hill walks the pitcher Lowry. Winn pops out to Cedeno. Vizquel lines a single to left. Hillenbrand strikes out.

Theriot rips a double that catches the line near the bullpen. Chalk flew up! You cannot be serious. The Riot is a hitting machine these days. Ramirez pokes a single to right and Theriot hustles home. Has Ramirez ever gone the other way with a guy in scoring position? Lee flies out to Winn in center. Ha. Yes, two sentences ago could've been handled better. Barrett bounces into an inning-ending double play.

Cubs 3, Giants 0

Fourth inning

Alou flies out to his old stomping and pouting ground in left. Durham pops out to Cedeno on the outfield grass. Ramirez makes a nice play and accurate throw to get Linden to put the top half of the fourth to bed.

Jones pokes a single through the hole on the left side. Murton launces his 10th homer of the year into the wind and ultimately the basket lining the right-field bleachers. Cedeno fans. I know I'm in the minority but I'm against the rule that says if you catch a home run or foul ball, you have to give it to the nearest kid. I went to a lot of games as a child and no one ever gave me a ball. The only balls I've ever caught have been BP homers. You know what? I kept 'em. One is sitting right here on my desk. Granted there were no kids around when I caught them, but at some point a youngster has to step up and make the catch himself. Hill bounces out and Pierre grounds back to the pitcher.

Cubs 5, Giants 0

Fifth inning

Feliz pops out and Cedeno gloves it behind second. Greene pops out to Ramirez in foul ground. Hill strikes out his counterpart, Lowry, and rolls through a 1-2-3 inning.

You cannot keep Ryan Theriot down. He hits his first-career homer that lands in the left-field basket. What has gotten into this guy? Don't answer that. Ramirez lines out to left. The ushers are talking to some Spicoli in left who caught the ball to negotiate some sort of trade so the young Ryan Theriot can dump that ball in his sock drawer. Vizquel gets up and spears a soft liner off the bat of Lee. Barrett flies out to Moises in right.

Cubs 6, Giants 0

Sixth inning

I agree with the message board mob about Theriot. He finally gets some playing time out of Dusty and has what, seven hits in two days? And agreed that Freddie Boom Boom Bynum will start tomorrow. Winn pops out to Ramirez. Also, how classic was that Jim Leyland argument yesterday? That was straight out of 'Slapshot.' Viquel grounds out to Cedeno. Sure, Greg Maddux jersey day today. Are they Dodger jerseys? Cedeno makes a nice diving/falling play on a Hillenbrand grounder to end the top half. Good thing the kids show up to play on Sept. 1.

I think Felipe Alou just subbed his entire lineup. Jamey Wright is the new pitcher. Lance Neikro is now playing first and some guy replaced Omar at short. One sec. Wright retires Jones. Tomas de la Rosa is the new shortstop. Wright gets Murton and Cedeno in order on ground balls for a quick sixth.

Cubs 6, Giants 0

Seventh inning

Moises stretches a double down the left-field line into a single and then is lifted for a pinch runner. Who? Not sure. Wait. It is Jason Ellison. Durham flies out to Pierre. Linden takes a called third strike. And, yes, the Jason Ellison. Feliz fans. Here's Eddie Olcyzk to sing "TMOTTBG." There's still hockey in this town? Who knew?

And not to nit-pick. No, yes, to nit-pick, when you've just sung during the seventh-inning stretch and the Cubs are ahead protocol dictates that you yell, "Let's hold 'em!" Not as Eddie Olcyzk and many others before him have said, "Let's get some (more) runs!" More Giants changes for those of you keeping score at the office: Fred Lewis is out in left, the Jason Ellison in center and Linden moves over to play right. Hill strikes out. Pierre grounds out to whoever's at short this inning. Theriot grounds out and Olcyzk is out of there, possibly the quickest bottom of the seventh and bottom-of-the-seventh quest appearance ever.

Cubs 6, Giants 0

Eighth inning

Hill is still out there and why not? The guy's cruising. Greene grounds out. Niekro doubles to left. Fred Lewis lines his first major-league hit to the gap in left-center, knocking in his first RBI in the process. Scott Eyre gets up in the Cubs' pen. [D]e la Rosa bats and seriously how do you start a sentence with that guy's last name? Do you capitalize the "D" in de la Rosa even though it's lower case? I'm not sure. Anyway, that guy flies out to right. Eliezer Alfonso bats for Wright on empty the bench day at Wrigley Field. And why not? Alfonso flies out to Pierre.

Cubs 6, Giants 1

The Giants pull a guy out of the crowd named Scott Munter to pitch. Ramirez, never having seen Munter's stuff before, pops out. Niekro robs Lee with a diving catch at first. Barrett grounds out to Durham to end the eighth, which means we move to the ninth.

Cubs 6, Giants 1

Ninth inning

Do you think we'll see Bonds in the ninth? Do you think Bonds is even still at the park? And, yeah, where did the SEC football talk come from? Eyre, just off the DL, will try to close this one out and he'll start with the Jason Ellison. Ellison bounces out to Lee, who steps on the bag himself. Len, feeling frisky today, starts reading the credits with one out in the ninth. Now batting: not Barry Bonds. It's Durham and he flies out to Jones. Linden, which is the last stop on CTA's red line or, at that point, purple line, chops one to Cedeno, who charges, bare-hands it on the run but throws wide of first. That would've been a tremendous play. Feliz gaps a double to left-center, scoring Linden. Bob Howry jumps to life in the Cubs' pen. Thank Jah. Eyre fans Greene and this one's over. I was dreading extra innings.

Final: Cubs 6, Giants 2

The Cubs end their six-game losing streak by beating up on the Giants' farm system in what was a fun game. Thanks for reading, everyone. Enjoy the Labor Day weekend.

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