What in the wide world of sports is going on with the White Sox? Insulting Patti LaBelle, Ozzie comparing a win to a tease girlfriend and thinking about waving the White Flag (again)? At least they aren't punching each other in the dugout. Although, at this point, could it hurt? Toby Hall vs. AJ Pierzynski for who gets to catch the stinky bullpen? Yes please.
First off, while dining in Philly on Sunday, several Sox players insulted Ms. LaBelle. Those players? A.J. Pierzynski, Jim Thome, Jermaine Dye, John Danks and Toby Hall, as well as Marianne Rowand, the wife of former Sox and outfielder Aaron Rowand. As Hawk would say, Mercy. Someone go update her Wikipedia page.
Next, after the Sox's triumphant return to the win column on Sunday vs. Houston (I was in attendance -- I am such the lucky charm), Ozzie was understandably happy. But his happiness was short-lived after Monday's loss.: "It's like your girlfriend when you start going out and you start kissing her, and she said she's got to go home because she's got school tomorrow morning," Guillen said. "That happened [Sunday]. I was a little excited. Good, oh, my God, we got it going." I don't even want to know how he described another letdown on Tuesday. Boys are gross; pass it on.
Now for the White Flag situation. In a , 2,202 of you said "Yes, blow the team up," while just 526 said "This team isn't done." The Sox have lost key members to injuries this season: Scott Podsednik, Jim Thome, Pablo Ozuna, Darin "Stubble" Erstad and now Joe Crede. Thome came back. Scotty Pods is 5-for-21 with four walks in six games for Triple-A Charlotte. However, he's yet to attempt a stolen base. Running fast scares him.
What do you guys think? If the Sox could get some solid, non-McDougal bullpen help and start using that bat thingy to hit that ball thingy is it enough to catch the Tigers and Indians with the current staff? 9 games out of first place. Harold Baines, suit up, dude.
Weather in Philly: Mostly cloudy with a chance of rain.
My email is at the bottom. Go crazy.
Baseball soon. Will the Sox be swept? Who will sing the national anthem? Stay tuned. And put those white flags away, for now.
And yes, per my intro, I am 12.
Ooooh, per the weather, there's a coastal flood advisory. A flood of runs for the Sox? We shall see. Puns are fun! Jerry Owens leads it off the Sox. He's hitting .200, which is about the average on the team, which is also not good. It's Kendrick's first big league start, so he's got that going for him. Owens grounds out to shortstop for out #1. Cintron grounds one down the first base line, just fair, for a stand-up double. Look alive third base coach. Thome comes to the plate and gets a standing ovation. That's nice. Until he hits a homer, then they will probably boo. Thome runs the count to 2-0, then hits a little chopper in front of the plate. Catcher handles it for the second out, Cintron moves to third. Dye comes up. 0-2 count, he checks his swing and now it's 1-2. Pretty big crowd in Philly, guess they don't know about the flood advisory. Dye hits one deep to CF, over the head of Shane Victorino, for a double. Cintron scores, 1-0 Sox. Pierzynski now. He hits one deep but foul. 1-2 count. He hits a high chopper for SS for the third out. Sox strand one, but get on the board. Applause.
White Sox 1-0.
Oh boy, Thome at first base. This should be fun. Jimmy Rollins pops out to Uribe at short, one out. Hawk says Danks is going to have to hit his spots today. As opposed to how Danks just usually closes his eyes and throws. Sure. Victorino walks on four straight balls. Danks, open your eyes! The ever-dangerous Chase Utley is up -- he has 52 RBIs.That's like 45 more comments than I have on my message board. Danks tries a couple pick-off moves to first, but Victorino doesn't seem too scared. Danks throws to Utley and Victorino steals second. So much for those pick-off moves. Utley lines one out to Dye in RF for a single, and that will score Victorino. Tied 1-1. Ryan Howard stands in there. He hits a high pop fly out to Fields for out #2. Fields almost dropped it, but he didn't. Utley stays at first. Pat Burrell runs the count to 3-2...and...grounds out to Fields for the third out.
Aaron Rowand has the day off for Philadelphia. Maybe he can sneak into a Sox uniform. Just a thought. Luis Terrero leads it off. He gets hit in the shoulder on the second pitch. It's Kendrick's first hit-batsmen. Congrats. Terrero steals second on the second pitch to Josh Fields. He's safe. It's his first stolen base of the season. Congrats! Fields hits one up the middle, Terrero scores easily from second, Sox 2-1. Fields advances to second on the throw home. Uribe hits a bloop to LF, but it goes just foul. Like by an inch. Sayeth Hawk: Dadgummit. Who does he think he is...Roy Williams? Kendrick comes back and gets Uribe to strikeout. One out. The pitcher Danks stands in there. He strikes out swinging, but hey - at least he swung. Swinged? Sure. Two outs. Owens, fresh off hitting his grounder in the first, hits a liner to Burrell in LF.
White Sox 2-1.
Jayson Werth leads it off. He's got quite the soul patch going on. Not so cute, in my opinion. He flys out to Owens in LF. One out. Ah, the old parrot pick-up line...always a fan favorite. Wes Helms hits the ball real far, so far that it's now tied 2-2. That's his first homer of the season. Lotsa firsts today. Rod Barajas strikes out quickly. Pitcher Kendrick faces pitcher Danks. He hits one to Dye in RF, who can't handle the catch. That's a hit, and the ball is tossed back to the dugout. I'm sure it's headed to the Smithsonian. Rollins keeps fouling off pitches. Foul, foul, foul. He makes contact again and grounds out to the pitcher.
Dye is in right. I don't know my right from left. Someone needs to write it on my hands. Cintron hits one over the head of 5-8' Rollins at short for a single. Saw a sign at Sunday's game that said "Thome is my homie." Is that better than "Crede is my sweetie"? I should do a poll. Thome hits one between first and second (take that Thome shift!) and Cintron advances to third. Runners on the corners, no outs. Dye hits into a double play, but that will score Cintron. Sox 3-2. AJ flies out to Howard to end the inning.
White Sox 3-2.
Jr in la: Roy Williams says "dadgummit" a lot... Hawk was channeling him. Safe bet: Sox will allow a run this inning. Tommy Lasorda is chatting up DJ in the booth now. Victorino flies out to Uribe at short. Utley runs the count to 3-2 before hitting one to Terrero in CF. CF! Yes, I know that one. Oh, and Terrero made the catch. Two outs. Howard hits one up the middle for a base hit. MMMMMM, Chilis. Chicken ranch sandwich please. Burrell takes a walk to first. Two on, two out. Don Cooper comes out for a chat with Danks. I can read lips: "Hey John. Get this guy out and we'll still have the lead." Danks fans Werth, thus ending the inning. Wow, no runs scored. I was wrong. That's a first.
White Sox 3-2.
The newsroom is very quiet today. Quick, make Mike Ditka say something. Terrero flys out to CF. Fields draws the walk, the first walk allowed by Kendrick today. There's some fool at the game yelling "Walk walk walk." Lovely. Uribe grounds into a double play and that will end the inning.
White Sox 3-2.
Monday was Frank Thomas' birthday. Do you think Ozzie sent him a present? Helms leads it off for the Phillies. He crushed the ball in his first at-bat. This time, he flies out to Dye in RF. RF! Barajas (pronounced ba-rah-has) strikes out. Two outs. Pitcher Kendrick vs. pitcher Danks. This time, Danks gets him on three pitches for the K. Ah, sweet revenge.
White Sox 3-2.
Wasn't Tommy Lasorda the dude who got nailed while coaching third base at the All-Star game a few years back? Danks strikes out, awkwardly. One out. Owens shows bunt, but pulls it back for ball one. This ump yells very loudly after each strike. Or maybe it's just loud because there is no noise at the ballpark. Owens grounds out to second for the second out. Cintron rips one to RF, just out of Werth's reach, for his second double of the day. Werth's soul patch must have slowed him down. Darn you facial hair! Kendrick intentionally walks Thome. Big conference at the pitcher's mound. Sorry, I can't read opposing team's lips. Dye hits one to the same spot as Cintron, but this time Werth lays out for the diving catch. That will end the inning. Rats.
White Sox 3-2.
Couldn't find the Hawkisms Web site, but I found one with this t-shirt. Rollins grounds out to Uribe for the first out. He's 0-for-3 today. Which is code for "walk-off HR to win the game" later. Victorino, whose bobble head wears a skirt, runs the count to 3-2. He hits a grounder foul, the fan tumbles over the railing, but holds onto his beer. Next pitch, hits one to Dye in RF. Dye tries to catch him running and throws back to first. Safe. One aboard. Dangerous Chase Utley now. Danks is at 96 pitches, so Ryan Bukvich is up in the Sox bullpen. 3-2 for Utley...he fouls two more off. Runner runs, but it's ball four. Third walk for Danks in this game. Ryan Howard is up with two on, one out. Don Cooper comes out to talk strategy with Danks. Howard hits it hard, but foul. Quickly 0-2. Now quickly 2-2. Howard strikes out. And out come Danks, Ozzie wants Bukvich. This should be interesting. Fun fact about Ryan Howard (that I'm sure no one will care about), his brother Chris is the associate athletic director at KU. Bukvich (that's a hard name to type) is sporting a goatee. Burrell hits one to Fields at third, who throws to first for the out. Bukvich: Goatee not a goat. Heh.
White Sox 3-2.
Pierzynski to start off the sixth. He grounds out for the third time today. He's not a happy camper. Terrero grounds one up the middle to Rollins. Two outs. Hawk and DJ are commenting on how they are surprised Kendrick lasted longer than Danks. Are you? Fields, who made a nice play to end the 5th inning and save a run, stands in. How many times do you see the guy who made the nice defensive play turn around and make a nice offensive play? When the TV stations edit it that way. Fields strikes out. Way to make their job easier. 1-2-3 for Kendrick.
White Sox 3-2.
A name for the Comcast dog? Bob. Bukvich faces off against soul patch Werth. He grounds out to Uribe, but beats the throw as Uribe takes his time and pulls Thome off the base. Helms hits a bloop single to CF and Werth runs into third. Corners, people. Barajas now. Ball, foul, foul, strike three. One out. Pinch-hitter now for the pitcher Kendrick, who gets a nice round of applause from the fans. The hitter will be Aaron Rowand. Hey, he looks familiar. Bukvich almost nails him in the leg. He makes contact and grounds to third for the out. But Werth scores, tied 3-3. Fields looked to throw it home, but no play there. Bukvich leaves and Matt Thornton will come in to face Jimmy Rollins. Ah, the Sox bullpen. Never a dull moment. Runner on second with two outs. Rollins runs the count to 3-1...before fouling off strike two. He checks it up for ball four. AJ thought he went around, but no. Victorino grounds out to Uribe, this time Uribe gets rid of it quickly and tosses to Thome for the out. Nice dig by Thome to hold onto the ball.
Uribe starts things off. We're tied yet again. Just say no to extra innings. Ryan Madson is the new Phillies pitcher. Rowands stays in at CF, Victorino moves over to RF. So I guess Werth is out now. Uribe hits it softly to third, and Helms lets it roll off his mitt and through his legs. That's an error, and Uribe takes first base. Matt Thornton bats, or should I say, pretends to hold a bat. He's going to try to bunt. After two misses, he fouls off the third attempt. One out. Owens now will try to advance the runner. Uribe takes off, but Owens hits it out of play. Uribe runs again, and Owens hits it to short. Owens is out at first, but the speedy Uribe moves to second. Running to avoid the double-play ball. Nice. Two outs for Cintron. He grounds out to Rollins. End of inning.
Stretch time. Utley to face Thornton. He hits the ball to third and it takes a funky hop over Fields, who leaned down. Utley will run into second with a double. I have this song stuck in my head. Last year's NL MVP Howard strikes out after running the count to 3-2. In transactions news today, the Joliet Jackhammers released RHP Tommy Boss. Adjust your fantasy leagues. Sox are going to Burrell on with an intentional walk. Don Cooper comes out: "Hi Matt. Nice K of Howard. Now you're going to face Abraham Nunez, who is pinch-hitting for someone. Git r done." Or not. Nunez hits a bloop single (broken bat) to Dye, that will score Utley. Phillies 4-3. Burrell advances to third. Michael Bourn will pinch-run for Burrell at third. Helms now, he's 2-for-3 today. Thornton stays in vs. Helms, who fouls off 25 pitches. Or maybe it just seems like that. 1-2 count. He eventually flies out to Cintron at second. Two outs, corners. Barajas has struck out three times today. Does he get a prize if he gets to four? Ah, Hawk just said the Sox are "in deep do-do." Barajas takes a walk to first. So bases are loaded for Aaron Rowand. Big cut by Rowand, but he misses. 0-2. Um, yeah. Rowand hits a grand slam, Phillies 8-3. Next dude flies out to end the inning.
Bye-bye readers. Thanks for tuning in! Bourn will play LF now. And the new pitcher is Mike Zagurski. Thome leads it off and takes ball one. Nunez will play third for Philadelphia. DJ: "Unfortunately for the Sox, they just play bad baseball." Yes. Thanks. Thome hits a single. 100 games left for the Sox...Hawk says they will go 80-20. I think he's kidding. Dye hits it deep, it goes off the fence in CF. Double for Dye, Thome runs into third. Pierzynski grounds out, but that will score Thome. Phillies 8-4. Dye moves to third. There will be a new Phillies pitcher. Hit the showers Zagurski. New pitcher is Yoel Hernandez. Terrero flies out in foul territory to LF. Dye stays at third. Fields now with two outs and one run in. Big curve ball by Hernandez gets Fields.
David Letterman's stalker, caught. Where's Steve, Toby Hall's stalker? Boone Logan will come in for Matt "I gave up a grand slam" Thornton. Mackowiak comes in to play third for Josh "Fielding is hard sometimes" Fields. Victorino takes first pitch strike. Logan strikes him out in three pitches. Utley strikes out too. Wow, two in a row. That has to be a new Sox record! Geez-o-pete's! Logan strikes out Howard too. 1-2-3 for Logan.
So Paris isn't going to act dumb anymore? Is that possible? Ex-Cub Antonio Alfonseca is the new pitcher for the Phillies. Ah yes, the six-fingered dude. Uribe starts things off with a lead-off walk. Conference at the mound, Philadelphia fans boo. They really want to get home in time to watch Jeopardy. Mackowiak grounds into a double-play, two out. Alert reader Nathan just pointed out to me that Zagurski is a former KU pitcher. Can't believe I missed it. Bad Amanda. 2-2 count for Owens. Owens hits a ground ball just past the reach of the second basemen. Extending the inevitable. Cintron flies out deep to LF. Game over.
Eh, at least the weather is nice in Chicago. I'm going to the beach tomorrow. I suggest you do the same. Laters!