I want a refund. Or a sticker that says "I paid my Illinois highway tolls and all I got is this stupid sticker." Rude! The extra $17 would have come in handy for my "
" shopping. Highlighters, duct tape,
and a spitwad maker to help me annoy the ChicagoSports.com boys. You know, the basics.
And speaking of school, I attended part of my ten-year high school reunion this past weekend. I say part because, being the Internet star that I am (not like that, ew), I had to work Saturday. But I made it there in time to injest a few Jager shots and make awkward conversation. What up, Homewood-Flossmoor Class of 1997?
Now onto the
, as they try to avoid a sweep at the hands of the Moneyballs. But I'm in the cubicle, so have no fear Sox fans.
The Sox offense has been limited these past two games, losing 4-3 and 3-2.
are still spotting the high pants/high socks combo, in hopes that it will make opposing pitchers throw underhanded. So far, no dice. Rahula's favorite
has been on a tear as of late, with 11 RBIs in the last 10 games. For a Sox batter, that's a tear.
is available to pitch today, if the Sox can actually, oh I don't know, get AND hold a lead. He made a speedy recovery from his right ankle tweak on Monday.
. I don't buy it. Either he slipped on a Fire sauce from Taco Bell or he and
had an intense
face-off. And, duh, Toby won. He's got mad skillz.
Jenks needs just one more out to break Jim Barr's 1972 mark of 41 straight batters retired. Is that more or less impressive than hurling a complete game, ala
? I say they dance for it.
It's a pleasant
right now. Wind out of the west at 15 mph. And the
. It's Javy Vazquez vs. some dude. And we have a Stubble/Erstad appearance. Hooray.
or post on the board at the right.
We've got the Hawk and DJ team back together. Do you guys miss Steve Stone? I think after adjusting to Hawk, Stoney gelled with him quite nicely. First pitch strike from Dan Haren to lead-off man
. And second pitch strike. And third pitch strike. That was quick. Lotta empty seats in Oakland. So if you're reading this in the Oakland area, go out there. And bring a sign that says "Hi Amanda." Josh Fields grounds it hard to third base, Jack Hannahan (could you have more n's and a's in your name?) fields it but the throw pulls the first baseman off the bag. Fields is safe. Thome hits a broken-bat single to LF, Fields goes second. Seriously, empty stadium. Paulie fouls off the first pitch he sees. Takes a couple balls, fouls off another.
Paulie then connects and singles to RF, Fields was running on the pitch and scores from second. White Sox 1-0.
grounds to the second baseman Mark Ellis, Konerko is forced out but AJP beats the throw to first. Thome to third. Dye strikes looking out to end the inning.
White Sox 1-0.
Double-barreled cubicle activity today, with Caldarelli on
. It's like
warming up together in the bullpen. It's just that exciting! Travis Buck is first to face
. He flies out to Owens in CF. Sox killer
stands in. He lines out to Konerko at first. White Sox 1, Stewart 0 (for now).
bloops a single into center field. DJ said Javy's pitch was were it was supposed to be, and I tend to believe him. Jack Cust (who?) takes ball one. He pops up to
White Sox 1-0.
Jeff, a cubicle for Bulls games would be tricky. Much faster paced, plus we tend to only do day games (except for Bears games). And we're all too busy mocking former Sooner Stacey King. See? It's Darin "Stubble" Erstad! Although it looks like he shaved. No matter, he's still manly. He's aboard after bunting down the third base line perfectly. Manly! Juan Uribe singles between first and second, Erstad moves into third. Small ball, people, small ball. What is this, 2005?
Danny Richar bloops one into right field, Erstad scores. White Sox 2-0.
Uribe to third. I guess the Sox had a team meeting before the game. Seems to be working. Owens grounds out to first, Richar to second and Uribe stays at third. One out. Josh Fields -- he's 11-for-15 with a runner at third and less than one out this season. That's quite a stat. Fields runs the count to full before looking at strike three. So now he's 11-for-16. Way to go. Thome now. 1-2 hole, Hawk: "Stay with him buddy." Thome eventually walks - Hawk must be telepathic. Bases loaded for Konerko. Yeah, not so much. He strikes out on three pitches.
White Sox 2-0.
I believe Rahula is getting a haircut. We've got to look our best at ChicagoSports.com. Here's a slideshow of
. Javy has tossed 11 pitches thus far.
hits it to Dye in RF, who makes a diving attempt but misses. Piazza chugs into third. Mark Ellis pops out in foul territory to AJ. Hawk: "Ate him up, ate him up." That's some pitch from Javy. One out. Marco (Polo) Scutaro quickly gets a 3-0 count. He walks on a 3-2 count. Jack Hannahananannan (Hannahan) now. Lefties are just .219 against Vazquez this season, and Hannahan is a lefty. Just keeping you informed. He pops out to Uribe in deep shortstop. Deep shortstop? Ok, he was in the grassy area. Kurt Suzuki strikes out swinging to end the inning. Lead-off triple. Wasted.
White Sox 2-0.
Former White Sox pitcher and current Athletic DL-inhabitee
. The A's response? Not gonna happen. Where have all my readers gone? Just 23 comments. Let's beat Caldarelli's cubicle. Organize people. Post early and often. AJ starts things off with a base hit to center field. That's six hits for the Sox so far. And 24 comments for me. Not that I'm counting. Dye strikes out (couldn't check the swing) for the second time today. Erstad grounds out to deep second (grassy area) for the second out. AJ to second.
Uribe grounds to first, but the ball goes under Swisher's glove. AJ will score from second, White Sox 3-0.
Second error for Swisher. Oops. Uribe at first with Richar up. Richar softly grounds to second for the third out.
White Sox 3-0.
Javy 7-1 with a 2.81 ERA in his last ten starts. Not too shabby. So I'm sure I just jinxed him. Travis Buck grounds out to Richar, who makes a nice play to get the out. Made the grab while running a little off-balance. Nicely done. Stewart grounds out to Vazquez for the second out. White Sox 2-Stewart 0. MLB.com says Stewart grounded out "sharply." I concur. Then Swisher grounds out to Paulie for a nice 1-2-3 inning.
White Sox 3-0.
Yeah, Adam has more than 400 comments. But at least we have each other for the next few hours.
Owens tries to bunt his way aboard, but the third baseman Hannahanahan throws him out. Fields hits one to Stewart in LF, who makes the catch. Two outs. Thome grounds out to end the inning.
White Sox 3-0.
RG: the Sox will not help the Royals out of the cellar. The Sox bullpen is composed of ex-Royals hurlers. How much more help do you want? And Jeff, negatory to Manilow. There was some Boston song though. Scary. Jack Cust (who?) is up first. I guess he hit a few homers on Tuesday -- I was busy watching my many, many shows recorded to my new awesome DVR. I'm such a hermit. Cust walks. A very bearded Mike Piazza now. He tripled in his last at-bat. Piazza reaches out and singles to LF, Cust goes to second. Mark Ellis fouls the first pitch off, strike one. He then pops out to Richar at second for the first out. 60 pitches for Vazquez. Scutaro runs the count to 3-1. He then flies out to Dye for the second out, the runners stay put. So two on (first and second) for Jack Hannahan. Javy almost hits the dude on the 2-1 pitch, just a little bit inside. Called second strike (a bit high). 3-2 count, runners will be running. Hannahan fouls off two more, make that three more.
Hannahan then singles in between first and second, that will score Cust from second. White Sox 3-1.
Piazza to third.
Suzuki rips a single to LF, Piazza scores. White Sox 3-2.
Runners at first and second. Buck grounds out on the first pitch he sees for the third out.
White Sox 3-2.
I'm missing Doug "Shorts on backwards" Gottlieb? NOOOO! I should have DVRed that. Rats. Necco's in the toll booth? YES! (I just sounded like Hawk, ha.) That's good stuff. Konerko leads off the fifth inning. It's a 3-2 count, before Paulie strikes out looking. There are some kids chanting "Let's go Oakland." I hope it's kids, because those are some high-pitched voices. Yikes. AJ rips a base hit to right-center field. He's 2-for-3 on the day. JD and the high pants/high socks combo. Hasn't really been working for him today. Uh, just kidding. Dye singles to first, AJ goes to second. I totally did that on purpose. Two on, one out. It's "Stubble" Erstad time. Erstad files out to the warning track in LF. The runners quickly get back to base, but it was close. Dye was almost thrown out at first. Nice catch by Shannan Stewart. So I guess it's White Sox 2-Stewart 1 now. Jay Marshall is warming in the bullpen; he's a former Sox minor leaguer. Two outs for Juan Uribe. Quickly 0-2 for him. Uribe pops it up to shallow CF. Two men stranded.
White Sox 3-2.
are bad. Speidi? Hencer? BAD! Stewart (who made that awesome catch last inning) grounds out to Uribe (deep shortstop) for the first out. Vazquez is up to 76 pitches now as he squares off against switch-hitting Nick Swisher. That's kinda hard to say. Swisher lines one to Dye in right for a single. Jack Cust (ok, he's good) is up. 60 RBIs, .239 average. Cust hits a fastball deep to Erstad in left field. Swisher doesn't test Erstad's arm. Why? Manly stubble. Piazza is 2-for-2 today.
Make that 3-for-3, he hits a bomb to center field for a 2-run homer. A's 4-3.
I think Bobby Jenks just cried. 92 pitches for Vazquez. Mark Ellis pops out in foul territory to Konerko.
Well Bill, when we're not cubicling (heh), we all work on the site doing stories and blogs and photo galleries and polls and mobile alerts and etc., etc., etc. It's a pretty sweet job. Oh, and we get free pop! I know! And my name is pronounced like a sneeze: Ka-shoooe-bee. Bless you. Danny Richar will start things off. He draws the lead-off walk. Sox have stranded eight dudes today. That's no way to win a game. Do it for Bobby! Owens falls into an 0-2 hole before he flies out to Cust in right field. Richar stays at first. Fields stands in there; Richar steals second and that's his first stolen base in the bigs. He kinda slides past the base -- not so graceful, but it works. Haren gets Fields to strike out on three pitches (called, swinging, called). Effective. Big
now. Danny Richar steals third pass, no throw as Thome checks his swing on the wild pitch. The home plate ump looks like
from "The Closer" on TNT. Richar is standing halfway between third and home.
Thome has himself an infield hit, as Ellis' throw pulls Swisher off the bag. That will score Richar, Tied 4-4.
Yes, you read that right. Infield single. Holy something: Haren has hurled 120 pitches. His arm must be sleepy. Konerko hits it deep to Cust in right for the third out.
Fireworks night on Sept. 7 vs. the Twins at the Cell. Boom. Marco "Polo" Scutaro. Let's start calling Thome "Wheels." He's quite speedy. Southpaw Boone Logan is warming in the bullpen. Hawk must be elsewhere, because no one called him "Boonemeister." It's all DJ right now. Scutaro grounds out to Fields for the first out. I'll stop with the quote-marks now. Oh, Hawk is back. Your long national nightmare is over. Hannahan gets a 3-2 count, then he looks at strike three go by. Second strikeout for Vazquez. He's at 106 pitches. Suzuki gets into a 0-2 hole; then it's 0-3 as Vazquez gets him looking. Inning over.
Oh, and Roger Goodell is insane if he thinks
. See, now that whole Ron Mexico thing doesn't seem like such a big deal. There's a new Athletics pitcher, it's No. 54 Andrew Brown. He's 2-0 in 21.1 innings with a 1.69 ERA. AJ is the first dude up. He lines one down the third base line, that will be a double. It's his 19th "two-bagger," according to Hawk. Ryan Bukvich is warming for the Sox. Dye grounds out to Scutaro at second, and AJ moves over to third. So one out for Erstad with a runner in scoring position. A's bring their outfield in.
Erstad hits it in the same spot, that will score AJ, and Erstad goes to second. White Sox 5-4.
DJ just called him "Ersty." I don't think that works. Uribe pops out on the first pitch he see. I know you are all shocked that Uribe hit the first pitch. Erstad stays at second. Richar now with two outs. Wild pitch thrown by Brown, Erstad runs to third and is just ahead of the throw/tag. But then Richar strikes out. Oh well.
White Sox 5-4.
So Javy? No Javy? Let's see. No Javy. It's Boone Logan time. The ladies love Boone. I like Boone and Boone's. Travis Buck flies out to Erstad for the first out.
Kinda looks like Gary Busey.
Shannon Stewart jacks a solo homer off the left field pole. Tied 5-5.
Hawk: "Get foul, get foul. Dadgummit." Poor Javy, no win for him today. Swisher hits one high to Uribe in deep (grassy) shortstop, two down. Jack Cust almost gets nailed in the head by Boone. Ball one. Cust gets his revenge by hitting a single to right. Logan departs, and Ryan Bukvich comes in. 2.96 ERA, 31 games for Bukvich. He gets Piazza, who just needs a double for his first ever cycle. Oh boy. I think Bukvich is Czech for "gives up double to Piazza." Or not. Owens makes a diving grab to rob Piazza of said double. Hawk: "Mercy."
5-11-0 for the Sox. 5-9-2 for the Athletics. Jerry Owens starts things off. Brown is still the pitcher for the A's. He gets a full count, then strikes out swinging. DJ suggests that Owens choke up on the bat next time. When in doubt, choke it up? It's catchy. Josh Fields is 1-for-4 today. Be a hero Josh, be a hero. Make the game end. Or you could strike out swinging, it's up to you. Two outs. Maybe he should choke up too. Hmmmm. Thome strikes out too. 1-2-3 inning for Brown. All on strikeouts.
Bukvich is still in there for the Sox. Mark Ellis is first up. I think that half of the 65 fans that started the game have now departed. When they show Bukvich, the entire first base line is empty. Ellis flies out to Dye for the first out. And some of the fans say Boo. Bukvich comes back from a 3-0 count to get that out. Scutaro grounds out to Uribe for the second out. High socks = no errors for Uribe. Jack Hananahanahanahannnna. He's got a RBI today -- his first career RBI. Broken bat hit, it goes past Bukvich but Uribe is there to make the put-out. See, no errors. I think Hawk said something about "wickets." He's odd.
We're almost at the three hour mark. Not that I'm keeping track. I don't want to leave you guys. New pitcher for the A's is southpaw Alan Embree. Paulie takes first pitch strike. Then fouls off the second strike. Konerko is 3-for-7 career vs. Embree. Konerko fouls off about four more. Bobby Jenks (yes!) and
(no!) are warming in the bullpen. Finally, he singles to center field after a nine pitch at-bat. Scott Podsednik will come in to pinch-run for Konerko. AJ is 3-for-4, but no RBIs today. He should change that. Pods is 9-for-13 in stolen bases this season. He should make it 10. I'm full of good ideas today. AJ shows bunt a few times, but pulls back for a 2-0 count. He bunts the third pitch and move Pods over. One out. Dye is intentionally walked. STUBBLE! Erstad takes some, fouls some. It's a 2-2 count. Then he strikes out. Two gone. It's fan favorite Uribe now. He's 2-for-3 career vs. Embree. Uribe pops up the 1-2 pitch in foul territory, Swisher runs over to the Sox bullpen area and makes the catch, falling down. Two more stranded.
Jenks? Well, first...Pods will stay in at left. Erstad will move over to first. And the pitcher: Mike MacDougal. Oh boy. I smell trouble. He'll get Kurt Suzuki first. Full count...and it's a lead-off walk. Cut to Ozzie in the dugout, shaking his head. Travis Buck grounds out to MacDougal, who throws to Uribe at second for the out. But MacDougal's throw is low and they can't convert the double play. One on, one out. Sox killer Shannon Stewart. I hope I haven't angered him too much today. He's 3-for-11 career vs. MacDougal. Hawk just said fart. I swear. Full count, one out for Stewart. Hawk: "This is a big pitch right now with Steve Swisher up next." Steve? Sure. MacDougal strikes out Stewart. Buck moves to second. Nick "My dad's name is Steve" Swisher is intentionally walked to get to Jack Cust (who? oh right). Matt Thornton is warming. Here comes Ozzie -- Thornton will come in. First pitch strike. Second pitch gets away from AJ (passed ball), Buck goes to third and Swisher goes to second. 2-2 count on Cust. Big swing and a miss.
Just saying: If this goes longer than 12 innings....you're getting Rahula and I am leaving. Not that anyone is reading...or posting...hello? New pitcher for Oakland is Ruddy Lugo; he faces Danny Richar first. Richar hits a chopper for first for the out. Hawk is gone again, or he would have described that pitch as a "chopper-two-hopper." Jerry Owens now. He hits it high and higher, but Buck is there in center field to make the catch. Grassy area, FYI. Josh Fields is 0-for-5 today (reached on an error and scored in the first. Remember the first? That was like five years ago). Fields strikes out swinging (called, swinging, called). 1-2-3 for Lugo.
Anyone who wants to deliver food to the Trib...well, I won't turn it away. I had a bagel at 8 a.m. and that's it. Amanda hungry! Thornton is still in there for the Sox. Piazza strikes out looking on four pitches. Next up: Mark Ellis. It's quickly 0-2 on him. Owens tries to make a diving catch and ends up kicking the ball even farther away. Ellis runs into third with a stand-up triple. That's Ellis' first hit of the series. Scutaro is intentionally walked. And then there's a pinch-hitter for Jack Hannahahannana. It's Donnie Murphy. First pitch strike; outfield is pulled in. Second strike called. He lines it to Richar at second (who falls down in the grass). Two outs. Kurk Suzuki now. One pitch and it's over. Walk-off three-run home run for Suzuki. Hawk: "Mercy."