The Blackhawks start the next round of their Stanley Cup journey this week in the Western Conference semifinals. In the meantime, you should prepare for the official RedEye Sports Chicago Blackhawks WCSF Drinking Game, or RESCBWCSFDG for somewhat-short.
When buying your booze, please reach for a Wirtz Beverage-distributed brand, so you can help defray Rostislav Olesz's $3 million-plus salary in Rockford. And if you need an excuse to show up hung over at work the next morning, cut this article out and show to your supervisor. It's a valid excuse!**
Drink once when …
Marcus Kruger gets absolutely crunched during a penalty kill and gets up like nothing happened
Corey Crawford makes an A+ save
You think about making a Johnny Oduya pun but resist actually saying it
Marian Hossa does that shoulder thing and skates directly through a poor, poor defenseman
TV cameras catch fans on the glass staring at their damn phones instead of looking at the playoff hockey right in front of them and yes this really bothers me
Drink thrice when …
Toews' or Kane's Hart Trophy snub gets mentioned
The Blackhawks kill another penalty
You actually verbalize that Oduya pun
Any TV bumper music used is from the band Thrice ("All That's Left"? Totally plausible, NBC Sports!)
Finish what you've got in hand when …
Eddie Olczyk says "for all you young hockey players out there …"
You get lost in Patrick Sharp's eyes
Andrew Shaw's body ends up in the other team's goal
If either Brandon Saad or Patrick Kane scores, shave a line into your hair just above your ears. Ladies?
If the game you're watching goes to a shootout—I have bad news. You've had far too much to drink, and today is Nov. 8. Everyone thought you were dead or in Mexico.
If the hot girl scores on both goals during Shoot the Puck, do a shot for every inch of her high heels.
Whenever the Blackhawks score on a particularly soft goal, yell "Hhhwwwwhudderyoodooooing?" and sip a fine California white wine, then steal a glance at yourself in the nearest mirror.
If Bryan Bickell scores three goals again in the WCSF, wistfully stare at the stars for a minute and sigh, realizing that this really must be Chicago's year.
Don't drink and drive, and have a good time.
**NOT a valid excuse
RedEye special contributor Alex Quigley can be heard on WGN Radio 720. @alexquigley
Want more? Discuss this article and others on RedEye Sports' Facebook page.Copyright © 2014, Los Angeles Times