Tonight we finally -- FINALLY! -- get to see Gretchen's big debut with the Pussycat Dolls in Las Vegas.
Before we get into that, I just have to say I love the PCD stage director. He is serving "you'll never work in this town again" realness! Case in point, let's flashback to last week's episode when Alexis takes Gretchen's hands backstage and starts praying for her to have a good performance. He asks them what their doing and when the answer is 'praying,' he scoffs, "Oh girl, that's what rehearsal is for!" Love him.
Gretchen's first task is to introduce the burlesque dancers and she receives rave reviews for her delivery. When Gretchen performed "Fever," I was positive that she was getting punked by Andy Cohen. I was sure that Bravo had intentionally reduced all of the bass in their sound equipment and isolated Gretchen's voice -- I refused to believe that she would actually go out on stage and sound like that. But when the nasty PCD director consoled her and said, "Well ... you got to perform -- that's the most important thing," I knew she really was that bad.
Even though it was her worldwide debut on stage, the most momentous occasion of the night for Gretchen occurred after her performance -- Vicki actually apologizes to her. Unfortunately, Vicki demands an apology in return. Gretchen says she's sorry, but her apology was as pure as her voice just minutes before.
The next day it's sun up in Sin City and time for the girls to debrief. In the casino with Tamra and Heather, Vicki begins a rant about how she deserved a heartfelt apology and even Heather has to cut that BS short. Heather would never challenge the Queen Bee, so she makes up an excuse about having to catch a plane. What? No private helicopters tonight? Heather is slumming it, y'all.
Slade and Gretchen share a wonderful breakfast in the afterglow of a job well done. Well. It was done, at least. Slade tells Gretchen how proud he is and attempts to enlighten her with a quote about how doing what you love means never working a day in your life. I know that quote and know it well, however when Slade says it, all I hear is "I've never worked a day in my life."
Back in the O.C., Vicki visits her old house with Brooks, where he throws 586 platitudes at her understandable for once emotions. We get it Brooks -- you are a "consultant" and part owner of brainyquote.com.
Heather and Terry go on a double date with Slade and Gretchen, and Gretchen promptly announces she wants to do Broadway. Umm, okay ... all things considered, that's actually a pretty courageous thing to say out loud. But over on the other side of town, Briana is showing what real chutzpah looks like -- she and her 'boyfriend' go to dinner with Vicki where they announce they got married in Las Vegas! Briana is pretty bad-ass and I like her more and more each season.
Unlike real life, tonight's superlatives are all about Alexis.
Most Likely To Keep It Real: Alexis' Hosting CoachThe Pussycat Dolls Director has nothing on Alexis' new hosting coach. This woman tells it like it is. She compares live television to a bus speeding down the highway and says the host is supposed to drive the bus. She then tells Alexis she is in no way qualified to drive that bus. She also calls Alexis a bimbo. Wow. Funny thing is, Alexis will still pay her for lessons! Which leads us to the next award
Most Delusional: AlexisThis award is also known as "The Voices in My Head Always Tell Me What I Want to Hear." First she swears up and down that her husband Jim is not really enjoying the half-naked ladies swirling above him in Las Vegas at the Pussycat Dolls show. I could almost ignore the flecks of saliva dripping from his weirdly grown goatee, but then she hits us with "Sometimes Jim and I get different answers to our prayers." Girl, stop.
Next week, the theme is changing relationships -- who do you think can go the distance? Let me know in the comments below and be sure to follow me on Twitter @MutesVoice.Copyright © 2014, Los Angeles Times