D.A. to Chris Brown: We don’t buy your community-service claims

Haven’t been following Chris Brown’s adventures while he’s on probation?

Never fear — a new motion filed Tuesday reads like a gossip-blog round-up of past excitement while also dropping the big news that the performer appears to have faked community service the L.A. court had allowed him to perform in his home state, Virginia.

Yes, they say he faked it. Hate it when that happens.

The D.A.’s office is asking that Brown’s community-service claims be rejected due to what L.A. County Dist. Atty. Jackie Lacey called “significant discrepancies indicating at best sloppy documentation and at worst fraudulent reporting.”

DOCUMENT: Read the motion

The motion’s hit parade also includes by-the-way mention of that Miami cellphone-snatching incident, the positive-for-marijuana drug test, the “Good Morning America” dressing-room meltdown and the recent Frank Ocean parking-space brawl, and cites new evidence showing that Brown was going to Cancun on a private jet and coming home after a flight from Dubai at times he said he was picking up trash in various alleys.

Brown is, of course, serving five years’ probation after pleading guilty to felony assault on Rihanna in 2009, a sentence that included a yearlong domestic-violence course and 1,440 hours of labor-focused community service.

Brown failed to provide “credible, competent or verifiable evidence” that he completed his court-ordered community labor, Lacey said Tuesday. The D.A. is asking the court not to revoke Brown’s probation but rather to order the singer to perform all his community service in L.A., under the supervision of the county Probation Department.

(We’re suddenly flashing back to Lindsay Lohan and her drama-filled morgue duty.)

On Brown’s side of the aisle, however, attorney Mark Geragos wasn’t buying the D.A.’s accusations.

“Apparently the district attorney’s office has completely lost their minds,” Geragos told L.A. Now on Tuesday. “They are making scurrilous, libelous and defamatory statements and apparently have lost their ability to read their own reports.”

Meanwhile, a police report from the dispute with Ocean alleges that Brown not only took the first swing but also threatened to shoot Ocean, or “bust” on him, in street slang. And someone, Ocean’s not sure who, may have blurted a gay slur.

Nonetheless, the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department is about to close its investigation without pursuing misdemeanor battery charges against Brown, Sheriff’s Department spokesman Steve Whitmore said Monday.

“The alleged victim does not want to move forward, so we are not going to move forward,” Whitmore said.

“As a child I thought if someone jumped me it would result in me murdering or mutilating a man,” Ocean posted on Tumblr in the wake of the Jan. 27 fight, which started outside a West Hollywood recording studio. “But as a man I am not a killer. I’m an artist and a modern person. I’ll choose sanity. No criminal charges. No civil lawsuit. Forgiveness, albeit difficult, is wisdom. Peace, albeit trite, is what I want in my short life. Peace.”

ALSO:

Chris Brown-Frank Ocean parking lot brawl case to be closed

Chris Brown’s attorney says prosecutors have ‘lost their minds’

Chris Brown case raises tough questions for Virginia authorities

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