Not just cooler heads prevail

GORDON Ramsay, the chef and TV kitchen taskmaster, had 55 couples booked for dinner one night last week and three new dishes to try out. The third season of “Hell’s Kitchen,” his trial-by-fire reality show, premieres Monday on Fox; his “Kitchen Nightmares” will debut in the U.S. later this year. He is shopping for a house in Beverly Hills or the Hollywood Hills or Malibu. Much profanity was omitted from this interview.

What’s the difference between running a kitchen and running a TV show?

Fox wanted to do a reality program and I wanted to run a restaurant. I battle with Fox all the time. They want to stage a big wow. They’re very good at letting me off [the leash], but they’ve also got a show to run. They say, “You mind doing that again?” I say [no way]. The winner -- if I don’t get them up to speed, I’m the one who’s going to look stupid. Every kitchen across America and England has donkeys in it. The quicker we weed out the donkeys and send them to Venice Beach, the better.

And what’s the difference between U.K. television production and U.S. television production?

I think we just signed an exclusive with Channel 4 till 2011. And to be honest, celebrities -- they’re not going to strive for that level of perfection. Working with real people is a ... sight more worthwhile than working with celebrities who are past their sell-by date.

What can we expect from Season 3 of “Hell’s Kitchen”? What have you learned from the first two seasons?

The weird thing about this show is they all try to be me. And tantrums. A lot of tears. I thought the girls were bloody strong. The guys, it’s like dealing with the sort of guys that clung to their mommy’s apron. You wouldn’t give them a look in the street. One guy started crying before we even opened! He said, “Oh, chef Ramsay, it’s so hard in there.” I said, “Do me a favor -- go stand in the fridge.” One was hospitalized. A few fisticuffs. A few fainters. And some individuals who really want it, which is great.

Are there food critics you enjoy reading? You seem to not be a fan of most.

Oh. It’s quite interesting to watch the inconsistency of the food critics today. When critics go out and eat for a living, they get the feel of a foie gras; they get stuffed. They take the pleasure out of eating. But I find the whole food critic thing inconsistent, especially in New York.

And I went to Babbo -- Mario Batali’s. I had dinner with Bill Buford [author of “Heat,” about working for Batali]. We had a horrendous dinner. The pasta was congealed. He said, “You know my reputation around here. Because of my importance in New York, I cannot mention what [an awful] dinner this is.” That confirms the whole setup in New York. I’m 40 years of age, last November and I’m fed up.

Have you had the fabled In-N-Out burger? Apparently it’s all anyone eats in L.A.

I had the most amazing burger on the way to Vegas. Two in the morning. They should close down McDonald’s and put In-N-Out in its place. But the one thing to remember is, and they should put it on the side of the carton in brackets: P.S. You don’t have to eat it all.

It seems America is succumbing more and more to the vegetarian menace.

Yeah, listen, I mean, it’s going through one of those phases at the moment; it’s like what happened to, what’s the one that made everyone’s breath stink? The Atkins diet. In two years’ time, vegetarianism will be back at a low again.

And now you’re off to Monaco for the weekend.

How exciting. We just finished filming the new “Kitchen Nightmare.” I had an absolute blast. I got a death threat. I got a knife thrown at me from a chef in Burbank. Food poisoning -- twice! I’m coming to New York in two weeks’ time; I’m going undercover. I found one restaurant that was, you know, a really good neighborhood restaurant. I opened the fridge. Out jumps 500 cockroaches. So I shut the restaurant down.

I was in the Hamptons, at a restaurant on the water. I decided to go and have a piece of salmon with a pasta. I was in the kitchen checking out the setup. To know a good chef, just look inside his fridge. I got this container of pesto; it was all caked in fur. All mold. The same pesto that he served me for lunch.