A better quality of life for Dad

Dear Amy: My father retired about 20 years ago, and until now he has been happily doing volunteer work.

He had a stroke a year ago. He walks about half as fast as he once did, and he seems to have trouble using the left side of his body. He was also diagnosed with diabetes.

He has moved into a retirement home. He doesn’t complain, but during my visit he didn’t seem to enjoy himself. He still has an active mind – many of the other residents suffer from Alzheimer’s or have been seriously impaired by strokes.

I live overseas and would move back right away, but I am worried that I would have a hard time finding work. My dad says I shouldn’t move.

At the same time, Dad seems to be about as happy in the retirement home as a cat is when given a bath. I don’t want to bring him to live with me because we could not really provide him with the care he needs.

I need an objective viewpoint about what to do.

Conflicted Son

Dear Conflicted: I’ll bet there is a way to improve your dad’s quality of life. You should plan an extended visit so you can observe his situation over the course of a couple of weeks.

The retirement home might not be a good fit – or he might simply benefit from switching the location of his room to a section of the home where residents are less impaired.

You should work with the director of the home to see what they can realistically do for him. Your father’s health might improve if he has regular social and physical therapy.

Visit all the assisted-living facilities in your father’s area to see if there might be a better place for him. Also, contact his former volunteer coordinator and see if your father can still work there in some capacity.

Dear Amy: My son, a high school junior, was invited to the senior prom by a senior girl. They are casual friends, not boyfriend and girlfriend.

Prom tickets are $75 each. My son will be paying for his tux, flowers and a share of the limo. As it is her prom and she invited him, shouldn’t she pay for his ticket?

Perplexed

Near Pittsburgh

Dear Perplexed: The person issuing the invitation – whether female or male – should pay for both tickets.

Sometimes, if they are going as friends, the offer to pay for both tickets is met with, “Oh, no – let’s at least each pay our own way.” This spreads the cost and keeps thing casual.

Proms are expensive. If it’s any consolation to you, the girl’s expenses will far exceed your son’s.

Dear Amy: I am responding to the letter from “Livid in Colorado,” who was upset because her rich brother helped fund his nieces’ and nephews’ educations, giving her nothing because she didn’t have children.

Speaking for a lot of us self-employed people who struggle financially, who are you to tell someone to give up on her dreams just because they don’t come with financial rewards? I suppose the rest of us should all give up and get jobs too because we have tough financial times.

She was writing about her brother’s favoring the other siblings, not about her job choices. Blaming her for financial instability in this current economic climate puts you in the same corner as politicians who tell people not to take the vacations they would not have been able to afford anyway.

Self-Employed Jeanne

Dear Jeanne: Speaking as a formerly self-employed and struggling artist, I say with certainty that we are all responsible for our own choices and should not look to rich relatives to provide financial equity between family members.

“Livid” wanted to remain self-employed and to be rewarded financially. Unfortunately, sometimes we have to choose between the two.

Dear Amy: I work at a store. We all get along pretty well, except for one issue. One of the employees, “Betsy,” is gay. None of us has a problem with her life choice, but she keeps coming on to female employees who are straight.

These women like Betsy and have made it clear they’re not interested, but Betsy doesn’t seem to get the hint.

How do we get Betsy to take the hint? No one wants her to get in trouble, but at the same time we are fed up.

Puzzled

Dear Puzzled: First off, “Betsy’s” sexuality isn’t a “life choice,” anymore than yours is. Sexual harassment, however, is a choice, and a very poor one.

Anyone being propositioned should report it. You and your co-workers have a right to work in an environment free of harassment.

I’m not sure why you are all so eager to protect Betsy. Anyone Betsy propositions should tell her, “That is inappropriate, and you need to stop.” Then, if there are repeated incidents, this matter should be reported.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.