A shot at the Philistines

"It is always the best policy to speak the truth -- unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar."
-- Jerome K. Jerome (1859-1927)

The AMPTP took out a full-page ad in several major national newspapers the other day with the aim of, in their words, "setting the record straight."

Cue oil dissolve:

Day: Thursday

Time: Biblical

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM -- DANIEL AND SONS PUBLIC RELATIONS -- DOWNTOWN SOCOH

Daniel and his sons -- Abner, Judah, Melchior and Kenneth -- rise to greet their biggest client, Goliath, champion of the Philistines, as he comes through the door. Goliath is a hairy mountain of a man, wild-eyed and murderous. Daniel claps him on the back warmly and guides him to a chair.

DANIEL: Goliath, great to see you! Mind the ceiling, big guy. Can we get you something to drink? Water? Coffee?

Goliath growls.

DANIEL: Black, two sugars, right?

Goliath growls.

DANIEL: Of course. (calling off) Miss Klein, a coffee for our favorite client!

A moan is heard from somewhere down on the floor.

DANIEL: Oh, there she is. I didn't see her mashed between your toes. Miss Klein, run out and get Goliath a cup of coffee.

She moans softly, in great pain.

DANIEL: Yes, fine. You can go to the hospital after you get the java.

Miss Klein drags herself toward the door, weeping softly.

DANIEL: Goliath, we know you're busy fighting the Israelites --

ABNER: Who isn't?