All the ways Gisele Bundchen’s Chanel No. 5 ad confused us

Gisele Bundchen’s Chanel No. 5 ad dropped on Wednesday, and as beautiful as it is, it raises almost as many questions as Brad Pitt’s puzzling effort did in October 2012.

The world’s highest-paid supermodel, who led the charge during the French fashion house’s mock protest at Paris Fashion Week last month, is the star of “The Great Gatsby” director Baz Luhrmann’s short film “The One That I Want,” which touts the brand’s signature fragrance.

Luhrmann answers a few questions about his latest work -- such as how he cast Bundchen as the aspirational “No. 5 Woman” -- as well as his 2004 version with Nicole Kidman’s “Chanel Woman” in some supplementary videos, below, that can be viewed before or after viewing the short film above. But we didn’t watch any of those explanatory videos first, so we’re going to disregard them for now.

So here are a few of the musings that went through this blogger’s mind upon viewing the short.

Gisele is surfing with a Chanel-branded surfboard. This is a perfume ad, but all I can think of right off the bat is, “Where can I get a Chanel surfboard? Or where can I get a Chanel decal for my nonexistent surfboard?” Also, her wet suit and bikini are awesome and way cuter than her wardrobe in her Under Armour ads. (FYI, those ads are called “Will What I Want,” so there’s a lot of wanting happening with Gisele these days.) The ocean looks intense too -- so intense, in fact, that I highly doubt Bundchen surfed them without the aid of special effects and a stunt double. She’s a multifaceted woman, though; we’re supposed to believe she can do it all!

Um, I totally know this song. Yeah, yeah, you do too! Lo-Fang, a.k.a. Matthew Hemerlein, is singing a haunting version of “You’re the One That I Want” from “Grease,” but it’s totally different and totally not upbeat. And I totally used “totally” five times in this paragraph.

Wait, is that Daario Naharis?! It is! Dutch actor Michiel Huisman, who plays the hottie sell-sword warrior in “Game of Thrones,” was cast as Bundchen’s tuxedo-clad lover/husband/baby daddy/date in the short, so we’ll continue to call him Daario for fun. He gets really broody and is pining for her, leaving her a cryptic love note that she inexplicably delays reading. (Just open it, Gisele!) I now can’t stop thinking about her real husband, Tom Brady, and what he’s thinking. Or about Daenerys Targaryen, and -- you get the idea.

Why’d he leave and where’d those kids come from? Daario leaves Gisele’s beachfront mansion in a Range Rover looking really upset. Gisele, the dutiful mom, sees him leave but she doesn’t go after him. Instead, she stays at her sprawling manse to take care of her kids, who were chaperoned in by a nanny while mommy was off riding those waves. And hang out with her while she expertly applies her makeup (nice break for the nanny). Oh, the perfume finally makes its first appearance at the 2:03-minute mark.

Gisele is still a model, in case you had any doubts. That settles that whole multifaceted theory from earlier. The supermodel, who’s 34 in real life, goes off to work when her backpack-toting kids head out to school. She meets up with photographer Baz for an ultra-glam Chanel setup. And she finally, finally opens Daario’s letter while she’s decked out in Chanel No. 5-inspired diamonds.

That photo-shoot backdrop looks awfully similar to the one they used on the red carpet at the film’s screening party earlier this week. Did it do double duty?

Hold up, is Baz Luhrmann in love with her too? Baz reaches for her so longingly when she decides to ditch work to meet Daario after reading the letter.

And why is she crying while she’s driving? That’s it. This is really an ad for Chanel’s waterproof cosmetics.

She finally meets up with Daario in a theater balcony and his bow tie is undone and he seems really upset that she stood him up. IF ONLY SHE HAD OPENED THE LETTER SOONER!

Their reunion is really anticlimactic. She chooses love over career (Luhrmann’s words), they kiss, and the ad finishes with “No. 5 #THEONETHATIWANT”

So what part of this is supposed to make me want to go out and buy some perfume?

Just as confused? Follow me on Twitter @NardineSaad.