Review: There’s a choir in the back seat during this ‘Christmas Ride’

Fundamentally a faith-based melodrama about a fateful 1991 road trip undertaken by a divorced mother of two and her creepy neighbor right before the holidays, the bargain-basement “Christmas Ride” is so inept on every level that it almost has to be seen to be believed.

Almost.

When Keri Rothberg (Brittney Ham) hears an ominous voice in her car cautioning, “If you go home now, you will be killed,” she figures it wouldn’t hurt to enlist someone to share the drive to Georgia for her mom’s wedding.

Taking her up on her offer is Kevin Williamson (H.T. Altman), a moody Gulf War veteran haunted by nasty flashbacks and harboring a not-so-deep, dark secret.

In the hands of novice feature filmmaker Karen E. Francis, the talky nonsense that transpires along the way — often underscored by twinkly acoustic ballads — is so amateurish, at some point you can’t help but wonder if the film might actually be less a mess of Ed Wood proportions than some sort of devious, John Waters-inspired satire.

But by the time the uneasy travelers arrive at their destination and the third act goes into evangelical overdrive, it becomes apparent that Francis really isn’t paying much mind to cynics among her moviegoers. She’s too preoccupied preaching to the choir.

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“Christmas Ride.”

No MPAA rating. 1 hour, 48 minutes.

Playing: At Laemmle’s Music Hall 3, Beverly Hills.