For pop culture aficionados, it’s become a cherished ritual that must be observed around the biggest broadcast events: the TV drinking game.
For Sunday’s Hollywood edition, Times-sanctified enablers have gone beyond boozy suggestions and conjured up a list of prompts to maximize your enjoyment of – while perhaps minimizing your sobriety during -- the 85th Academy Awards.
Some suggestions ...
* Every time Seth MacFarlane makes a self-serving reference to one of his TV shows or movies: Take a shot of cheap tequila.
* Any time the camera cuts to Anne Hathaway making her signature I’m-crying-with-my-eyes-while-laughing-with-my-mouth face: Gulp one half-pint of 180-proof Everclear.
* Any time a winner thanks a CAA agent: Make a $100 donation to the American Red Cross.
* During any standing ovation for Barbra Streisand: One discreet sip of Dubonnet over ice (her character’s favorite libation in “The Way We Were”) for every second the ovation lasts.
* Every time the winners for documentary feature or short, animated or live action short, are played off by the academy orchestra: Promise you’ll actually see one of these films within the next calendar year.
* Whenever the “Ted” hologram makes a body fluid joke: Schedule an appointment at your neighborhood medical marijuana dispensary.
* Any time a red carpet commentator calls the Oscars’ ground zero the Dolby Theatre by its former name, the Kodak Theatre: Install $5,000 Dolby sound system in your family room.
* For every person you’ve never heard of listed during the “In Memoriam” segment: Shout “L’chaim!” and chug aquavit.
* Any shot of Daniel Craig during Adele’s rendition of the “Skyfall” theme: Mix three measures of Gordon's Gin, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it's ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon-peel – a Vesper Martini.