While appearing during the "Sway in the Morning" radio show this week,
Eminem is in the middle of a promotional blitz in service of the "Southpaw" soundtrack, which he executive-produced, and used Sway's SiriusXM show to rhyme about football players, purported billionaires, Quaalude comedians, broccoli, supermodels, politicians, a "four-seater Taurus" and more.
It's a wonder to behold. It's also filled with cussing, which limits our ability to quote him without resorting to drastic
Eminem opens with a series of boasts, indicating that he's just warming up.
"So kiss your highness's hind cuss
While I'm trying to stretch, it's time to exercise
I'm flexing, isometrics
Twice the reps 'til I get extra-sized
And set my bi's and pecs and triceps on fire
Cause I'm coming out guns blazing
Like flaming pythons, my suggestion is parental discretion
Be advised, due to this mental aggression
We advise you to back up, like Byron Leftwich
I'm infectious, I rhyme like I got a sinus infection
A virus, I'm congested and I just ingested
Five Allegras but the side effects from these anti-depressants."
He pardons himself for his foul language.
"I ain't barely check the mic just yet
And I just sweared like twice as many times
In less than ninety seconds
Than Andrew cussing Dice ever did in his cussing life
But I guess I'm expected to make these kinds of violent records
It's why I keep rhyming reckless."
Eminem makes his first vague reference to Bill Cosby midway through.
"Hands is down my pants as I fantasize taking advantage
Like a blind Hispanic guy with his zipper stuck."
He teases Hillary Clinton with a suggestive line mentioning her email-server issues, then heads to Cosby territory again.
"But Hillary, I promise to wipe my server clean if you face subpoenas
Got a name that speaks for itself like Anthony Weiner
Hands in between my pants in a theater, cussing my cuss.
A fan of Trina, Angelina, and Christina and Serena and Selena
Scarlett Johansson, Tiffani Amber Thiessen
Give me a damn good reason and not wanna slip an Ambien in the Cappuccino."
On Caitlyn Jenner, Eminem gets too cussy and explicit to reprint, except for the final line.
"No disrespect though, not at all, no pun intended, that took a lot of balls."
He moves to
"I'm cussed worse than Donald Trump
On Lexapro in Mexico across from a Texaco in McDonald's drunk
Broke and out of gas, busted water pump
Getting fondled up by Ronald, feeling him on his rump."
Then he calls out Cosby again while acknowledging his own shortcomings.
"Awful, I made monopoly off misogyny
Sodomy, how many chocolatey jell-o pops can he possibly lace?
No wonder you scoff at me
it's still obvious I'm as off-putting as Bill Cosby is
Treat women like property
possessive like a noun with an apostrophe
I'd probably stalk broccoli."
The whole thing can be absorbed in its entirety at Genius.
Follow Randall Roberts on Twitter: @liledit