Someone please put me out of my misery right now. Forbes has put out their Celebrity 100 list which ranks celebrities by money earned, web ranking, press ranking and TV ranking and somehow Lauren Conrad made it to the list. To add insult to injury, she somehow managed to rank above Tina Fey.
Finally, a win for the lesser of the two evils (in my book)! Due to Katie Holmes's Broadway play needing a change of venue, Mario Lopez's stint in A Chorus Line will have to run short. Mario is pissed, and I couldn't be happier! Don't worry Slater, I'm sure you'll be able to show off your pecs and spooktacular acting abilities soon enough. And hey, you've always got those amazing features in various tabloids! Like the interview you just gave to People Magazine where you talk about your relationship with Eva Longoria and say, "We never dated. Unfortunately. We met a long time ago, and she was always with somebody or I was with somebody. But we hit it off and I have the utmost respect for her. Tony Parker is a lucky guy. I was in (sic) her wedding. I walked her mum down the aisle." Wow, you are a really classy fella. I'm sure that the reason you and Eva never dated was because you were with other people. Maybe because she was with someone else but, honey, you've never seemed to have a problem getting some booty on the side. Remember that hot little Doritos girl you married? Remember when you cheated on her during your honeymoon? Oops! How about this last relationship with your Dancing with the Stars partner? You had a side of breasts from Hooters during that relationship too. People Magazine obviously has some bizarre taste in hot bachelors.