So: Sharleen for the next “Bachelorette”? Anyone? ...aaanyone?
Yeah, somehow I feel as if you guys aren’t going to get on board with that one. This is unfortunate for you, because Sharleen was the best thing to happen to “The Bachelor” this season.
Which isn’t to say I was sad to see her go on Monday night’s episode, when she told Juan Pablo he just wasn’t the “Juan” for her. While I will indeed miss her snarky side commentary -- um, did you guys catch her enunciating the stupid CAPITAL LETTERS in Juan Pablo’s date invite? -- her departure actually represented something really important on this program.
From night one, I had a feeling Sharleen would be the Brooks of this season. I know, it’s hard to remember all of the stunning personalities from previous “Bachelor” installments, but go with me for a sec. Last year, when Des was “The Bachelorette,” Brooks was the dude who she saw herself marrying. Then, when she was down to two people, he suddenly peaced out, saying he just couldn’t see a future with her.
But Brooks was clearly torn about leaving Des -- dude was bawling his eyes out -- and clearly had more than just a physical connection with her. Sharleen, on the other hand, was always clear about what attracted her to JuanPabs: His looks.
So this week, she gets the coveted first one-on-one date in JP’s hometown, Miami, and she’s less than stoked.
“I’m missing this cerebral connection I so need,” she lamented in an interview. First of all, no contestant on “The Bachelor” has ever used the word “cerebral,” so 10 points for you, Sharleen. But more important, so few of the people who go on this show are able to grasp that a lasting relationship is comprised of more than just hot make-out sessions in the ocean and helicopters and fantasy suites.
Speaking of making out, Sharleen and Juan Pablo did a lot of it. It made me feel icky, but it made Sharleen feel good.
“It’s so hard not to kiss him when I’m close to him that it disturbs me,” she said later. “It makes me worry about what’s propelling me.”
Which is one way of putting it.
Juan Pablo, on the other hand, seemed to be attracted to more than just Sharleen’s kissing skills.
“I like the words you use,” he mused. “How you speak -- so proper.”
“I wish I was a little dumber,” SHE ACTUALLY REPLIED. “It’d be so much nicer.”
Yes, JuanPabs, what is it like to be you?
Anyway, I’d give you more details about their night on the yacht together, but they literally just made out for like three hours and also took a selfie, so, yeah. After the date, Sharleen immediately rushed to house mother Renee to share her mixed feelings about the situation. Sharleen said she didn’t want to take a spot from another chick who was totally into JuanPabs, and Renee said Sharleen should really make sure she wasn’t going to have any regrets if she was going to peace out. Which was weird. Why are you being nice, Renee? This is getting you a hometown date!
While Sharleen was contemplating what a life of no talking and only kissing would be like, Nikki and JuanPabs headed out for a one-on-one date. They started off at a flower shop, where Juan revealed that he’d be taking Nikki to his daughter’s dance recital. Not only would she be getting to meet little Camila, but she’d also get an introduction to his parents and his baby mama.
“I’m speechless-mind-blown,” Nikki said, introducing a new state-of-being.