Ricky Gervais prides himself on being an equal-opportunity offender. As host of the
"It's only right that NBC hosts this awards show. They're the only network that's truly fair and impartial, and that's because they're the only network with zero nominations. So … nothing in it for 'em tonight. They don't care, obviously."
"One publication said me hosting would mean some film stars would stay away for fear of being made fun of. As if film stars would stay away from a chance of getting a Golden Globe — particularly if their film company has already paid for it."
"I'm in the awkward position of having to introduce him again. Listen, I'm sure it's embarrassing for both of us. I blame NBC for this terrible situation. Mel blames … we know who Mel blames."
"Mel's forgotten all about it apparently; that's what drinking does. I want to say something nice about Mel before he comes out. So: I'd rather have a drink with him in his hotel room tonight than with Bill Cosby."
(introducing Matt Damon) "He's also the only person Ben Affleck hasn't been unfaithful to."
"The Catholic Church are furious about the film ['Spotlight'], as it exposes the fact that 5 percent of all their priests have repeatedly molested children and been allowed to continue to work without punishment. Roman Polanski called it the best date movie ever."
"To be fair 'The Martian' was a lot funnier than 'Pixels,' but then again, so was 'Schindler's List.' "
"I've changed. Not as much as Bruce Jenner, obviously. Now Caitlyn Jenner, of course. What a year she's had. She became a role model for trans people everywhere, showing great bravery in breaking down barriers and destroying stereotypes. She didn't do a lot for women drivers, but you can't have everything, can ya?"
But Gervais got a taste of his own medicine from Gibson. "I love seeing Ricky every three years because it reminds me to get a colonoscopy," said the actor.
Follow @MeredithBlake on Twitter.
MORE GOLDEN GLOBES: