The Emmys in August?

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"What were they thinking?,'' moan the Hollywood fashion forcesstruggling to dress actresses who will either present or are nominatedfor an Emmy on August 27.

First, Italy is closed up tight this month. Ditto France. Thosecountries close up their homes/offices and everyone heads for thelakes and/or beaches for the entire month of August. These people taketheir summer vacations very seriously.They don't even answer cellphones!

So just try getting vacationing Euro fashion folks - very busygetting real leathery tans on real rocky beaches - to go back to theiroffices, box and ship gowns, purses and shoes for a summertime awardshow.

Especially an Amercan TV award show that features - and these are notmy opinions, but rumblings from within the rag trade - a lot ofpast-their-prime size 12 nominees.

"It's going to be a very ? interesting Emmy awards," hedged one styleseer. "Or very boring," another noted.

And poor Elie Saab, who shows in Paris, but is based in Beirut. I hearhe's not going to be able to make any special gowns for anyone goingto the Emmys, what with the darn war, incessant bombings and all.

Here's the real Emmy fashion rub: most major designers' best springgowns have already been worn by actresses who attended all the bigawards shows (Oscars, Golden Globes, BAFTA, SAG) held earlier thisyear.

Actresses who went to the star-studded Cannes International FilmFestival in May grabbed the rest. Ditto the gals getting dolled up forthe big summer blockbuster movie premieres/parties around the world.And glamorous actresses going to the Venice Film Festival in earlySeptember have already snagged any viable remainders.

"It's a celebrity stylist's nightmare," moaned one insider.

To make matters worse, it's way too hot for Fall '06 styles.

Lets take a look at some of the fall fashion trends touted on

Bubble Skirts!

These only look good in a size 2. Kyra Sedgwick could get away with one. Next?


Please, not in August in the middle of a heat wave.


Again, read my lips, H-e-a-t W-a-v-e.

Oversized! Layers!

Yes, that's just what the fighting-to-stay-fit females want: loose,baggy layers that make them look super-sized.


Military jackets, frog clasps, gold embroidery, nipped waists, vestsand high black boots? Trust me, no actress is gonna march down the redcarpet looking like she's joined the French Foreign Legion.

So what's left for the poor August Emmy-going unfortunates?

The 2005 Emmy carpet was awash in structured rich jewel tone gowns.But this season will be much lighter, looser and with far lessembellishment.

"I don't think anyone is doing to pull out all the stops this year,"says Brooke Pace of MHA Media. "Hair will be simpler, makeup will belighter. There may be some color but most of the gowns being called inare in the paler ranges. Champagne. Peach. Cream. And a lot of elegantblack and white."

For instance, at the 2005 Emmys, Debra Messing wore an updo and a structured bejeweled bronze Elie Saab gown. This year she's more likely to want something romantic, loose and pale with delicate touches of lace, like some of the looks seen on Saab's Spring RTW Paris runway.

Not that we know what she's wearing, cause we most definitely do not.

Ditto Marcia Cross. She wore Saab's emerald green satin ball gown to the 2005 Emmys on Sept. 18. This year, if she comes (it's rumored she and Eva Longoria may present), her gown of choice will probably be black, white, champagne, peach or possibly a pale silver or gold metallic.

But it's not all sturm and drang. Some fashion folks say that theAugust Emmy fashion disaster may yet have a bright side.

"If there was ever an award show at which a small, new lesser-knowndesigner had a chance of getting a gown on a presenter or nominee,this is it," whispers one style scribe.

But the Emmys could also end up being a classic A-list event. A for Armani.

Mariska Hargitay likes to wear Armani. So does Megan Mullally, BlytheDanner, Candice Bergen, Helen Mirren and Annette Bening. I could seeAllison Janney in the big A, too.

Memo to the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences: As well as areturn to the old tried-and-true voting method, can we move thissucker back to mid-September?

It makes much more fashion sense.

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