Q: I have been married to my best friend for 14 years, and we are truly stuck with each other, so to speak, being over 50 and having gone through so much together. But we have no sex life, literally.

I used to have amazing, fun sex with other lovers when I was in my 30s, but it has been 10 years now with maybe once or twice a year, and pretty boring at that. He was much less experienced than I, not nearly as sexual, and he is close to impotent — his problems with erectile dysfunction are so bad that we have given up on everything. He's just very uptight, and I don't think he has any idea what good sex is, because we have given it up completely.

I would love to have sex in my life again but have lost hope. Is there help out there for people like us — not just a pill that doesn't work anyway, but real help to get us connecting on a sexual level? I'm willing to accept something less than the heart-pounding, exciting sex I used to have with other people in order to be with the man who loves me and with whom I expect to be for the rest of my life, but I so miss sex. What can we do?

A: The two of you could go to see a sex therapist, but let me see what other advice I can give you. First of all, do you have other physical contact? Is he willing to cuddle next to you in bed, with clothes or without? Maybe you need to get more physical with him. Don't push him into any sexual play right away, but after a while, see if you can make it sexual.

Two people don't need to have intercourse to have sex. Even if he doesn't have an erection, he still could please you sexually. And maybe, if you got to the point where he was giving you orgasms, he would gain enough confidence to allow you to try to reciprocate — again, not starting out with intercourse, and perhaps never having intercourse.

You seem to want to stay with him, so for now try to make your relationship more physical and see what develops. Good luck.

Q: My boyfriend and I have a wonderful relationship, and things couldn't be any more perfect. We rarely fight or disagree about anything. And our love life is fantastic!

But I have a problem: When I orgasm, it's like a flood, and it makes a horrible mess. It ruins the bedsheets. They look like they were dunked. And after it dries, it stains the bed. We are going to have to get a new bed soon because of this issue.

He is my first, so I was wondering if there is anything you could suggest that we do about this problem.

A: I don't know of anything you could do to stop this flood, but have you considered getting the types of sheets that people use for bed wetters? I did a little research, and there is actually a website that specializes in these types of sheets, bedwettingstore.com.

So see if you can find some specialized bedding that will make your life easier at this site or another.

Q: I have been involved with this woman for four years now, and we have a son together. We're not engaged, but I have been pushing things so that we should be together because I love this woman so much, and the fact that she knows that I do is affecting me because I just found out that she has been corresponding with her exes, saying she wishes she had a baby girl because she hates the man she has now and doesn't want a baby who looks like him.

It really hurts a lot, because when I asked her about getting engaged, she said she is not ready. I don't know what to do.

A: Let's look at this from the positive side. You have discovered that she doesn't like being with you and probably is staying only because of the baby. But you want this relationship to work. So your job now is to find out what she doesn't like about the relationship and, if possible, try to change whatever is bothering her so much.

I'm not saying this will be easy, and maybe there is nothing that can be done, but use the information you have found out and try to turn this negative into a positive.

You don't sound like an angry person, so perhaps you can make this work. There are no guarantees, but you definitely should have a long, sincere talk with her and see if there are steps that can be taken that will help to save this relationship.

"Sex for Dummies" (IDG Books) is among Dr. Ruth Westheimer's most popular books. Have a question for Dr. Ruth? Write to her at drruth.com.

Distributed by King Features Syndicate