L.A. Affairs: Binge watching ‘Broad City’ is good. But finding my boyfriend IRL is better
In August of last year, I realized that I had been single for 10 months and that it was time to make an effort to meet someone new. So I finally went on my first online date. I kept referring to it like it was something alien: “I’m going on a date with someone ‘from the Internet.’” But I was, for the first time, trying to date outside of a college or grad-school context. We went to a comedy night at the Virgil on Santa Monica Boulevard. I arrived frazzled by the one-hour drive from my office in Westwood.
It was a remarkable first date in part because there was a special guest that night: Hannibal Buress. It was an auspicious beginning. My date was great. He was interesting and funny and a good listener. I know he was a good listener because I decided to tell him all about a relative’s pending extradition to the United States on charges of conspiracy to manufacture heroin and methamphetamine for a drug ring. (My date told me he used to be a criminal defense attorney, and I decided this was the moment to get some questions I had answered.)
When I got home I told my roommate: “He was really nice, but I told him way too much.”
He texted me that he’d had a good time and that he hoped we could go on a second date. I did want to go on a second date, but I didn’t text him back. I had overshared. I was too stressed out about my father’s case — How do I find him a lawyer? Was I in any danger? — and I had just started a new job as a legal secretary.
There were other reasons. I had gained 30 pounds in graduate school and didn’t feel attractive enough to date just yet. I didn’t have the right clothes or the money to buy them. I wanted a serious relationship, and that was a lot of pressure to put on someone I was just meeting. And what guy would want a family member of his future child to be embroiled in such unseemly things?
The truth was, I didn’t want anyone to know me just yet. I wasn’t my best self. And besides, seven seasons of “The Good Wife” weren’t going to watch themselves. I bought a tablet from a friend and started to watch “TGW” while I walked on an elliptical machine.
I went on two more online dates last winter, both with nice men, neither of them good matches. Each left me feeling that I still wasn’t ready.
Around New Year’s, I made a new set of goals. This year, I would reverse my grad-school-induced pre-diabetes. I would be creative and save money and study for the LSAT. Around this time, the first online date texted that he hadn’t heard from me in a while, and he wondering how I was doing. I didn’t respond. After all, I couldn’t date because I had goals and no time for dating. This was my attitude for many months, despite the fact that one of my goals for 2016 was to find a partner.
Fast forward a few months:
Between the elliptical and hiking, I reversed my pre-diabetes. I made headway on my art projects. In April, I watched all of “Broad City.” I was crestfallen when Hannibal Buress’ character ends his relationship with Ilana. My relative’s case seemed to be wrapping up, or was at the very least was less cause for worry.
Maybe it was time again.
But instead of going on more online dates I joined the Sierra Club, hoping to meet someone on a singles hike. It seemed like a good way to find a husband.
A few more months passed, and I still thought about that first online date. Was it some kind of sign, that Hannibal Buress was at the Virgil, that my date kind of looked like Hannibal Buress, and now I was caught up on “Broad City”? My friends tried to convince me that it was worth reaching out to him, despite my fears of seeming creepy. To me, it seemed that online-to-real-life interactions have an expiration date. Who wants to hear from someone they gave their number to once, and then ghosted them, months and months later?
I wondered, what would be the harm in it? He may still be single, at worst he may not respond.
But what finally brought me to text him was that I had two cocktails at a work happy hour, I’ll admit it.
Sometimes you need friends’ encouragement, things that seem like signs, and some liquid courage.
He responded!
He was in England, and would get back in touch when he returned. He said I had good timing and that he definitely remembered me.
For our second date, we got breakfast burritos and saw a 9 a.m. screening of “Captain America.” I thought to myself, “He loves getting up early! Just like me.” Our third date was later that same day, at Parks Barbecue. “He loves food! Just like me.
“He knows we can do whatever we want and go on two dates in one day because it’s 2016 and there are no rules anymore!”
The more I got to know him, the more I love getting to know him.
We’ve been dating ever since.
The author has a master’s in fine arts from UCLA. You can explore more of her work at her website, MindyLu.com
L.A. Affairs chronicles the current dating scene in and around Los Angeles. We pay $300 a column. If you have comments or a true story to tell, email us at LAAffairs@latimes.com.
