Finals Should Be Short And Tweet, With A Lakers' Sweep

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Here we are, and it really doesn't get any bigger than this with only four games to play in this year's NBA Finals.

The thrill, the excitement and the anticipation that come with waiting for Jeanie's next tweet, twit or the latest amateur home video released by Phil &Jeanie.

But first the latest installment of "Phil & I," moments before Game 1, the YMCA coach they've put in charge of Orlando asked the obvious question: "Are you intimidated at all by Phil Jackson or his championship resume?"

"What's he going to do me?" Stan Van Gundy shot back, apparently ruling out the possibility our guy might outthink, outsmart and outcoach him.

"His resume in these championships is pretty good," I replied, figuring someone needed to stick up for Phil.

"He's a great, great coach, but intimidated?" Van Gundy huffed. "I'd be intimidated, I guess, if Dwight Howard or one of these NBA players threatened to kick my ass. Phil sitting down there on his chair doesn't intimidate me, no."

Then why is Jerry Buss paying the guy $11 million? To date his daughter? OK, so I can relate, and if I had the money . . .

This just in, a tweet from Jerry's daughter: "we may have trouble in stands -- Lex Luthor (Michael Rosenbaum) and Superman (Tom Welling) from Smallville here."

Where else could you get such goosebumps? But then I digress, the most important thing going into this series, I thought, Phil's nine rings and experience advantage. And yet the YMCA coach basically says whoop-de-do.

What do you say, Phil?

"Anybody have a question they'd like to ask that's meaningful?" said Phil, the media more than willing to let him practice being intimidating whenever he wants.

So someone else immediately chimed in, Phil asked what he would tell people who think NBA games are fixed, Phil going on and on as if it was a meaningful question, 126 words in all to essentially say, "No they're not."

I gave it another try, telling Phil, "I'm going to give it another try," and because we are buds now, he gave his permission to continue.

"I heard an interview with Mitch Kupchak earlier and he said there's not much coaching going on now and Van Gundy doesn't think much of you. Aren't you worth something here in this thing?"

"You hope," Phil replied, "as John Wooden would say, your coaching is done when you get to the game -- that you've done the preparation work."

With the mention of Wooden, I said, there's the perception you don't take timeouts, "Did you steal that from Wooden too?"

"I do take timeouts," protested Phil.

"Most people think you never do," I said.

"I know," Phil said, apparently accepting the fact he's misunderstood everywhere else but here.

A tweet update from Phil's girlfriend: "end of 1st qtr Lakers down by 2 and Denzel Washington's wife Pauletta asked me for some gum thank goodness Phil gave me new pack from locker."

He might be misunderstood, but what an eye for detail.

That's why I like the Lakers to sweep the Magic.

I told Phil the President of the United States had picked the Lakers in six, Joe Torre had sent a text to Page 2 picking the Lakers in six, but more important than those guys, Bresnahan from Bresnahan's Take had picked the Lakers in six.

That means the President, Manager and beat reporter who can't get a date have the Lakers losing two games.

I told Phil I couldn't see the Lakers losing another game, so I wondered if he was now leaning more toward my prediction?

"That's a good question," he said to show you how far we've come. "But I can't answer it."

I thought maybe Jeanie might have the answer, checking her latest twit: "My girlfriend just called Turkoglu 'Tub of glue' told we dont play that way."

No, we just tweet that way: "Denzel Washington and Stephon Marbury chatting on sidelines cant wait to see Pelham 123."

I had no idea Marbury was making movies these days.

But knowing now anything might get tweeted, I asked Phil if he had tipped off his girlfriend and told her what he really thinks about how far this series will go.

"No," he said, "I just said that this is the game everybody puts the most importance on. This is the one where you get the stats, 70%, et cetera, et cetera, very important game, kick-off game, but . . . "

And then he got up to leave with his "but" just hanging out there.

"But what?" I asked.

"That's it," he said to laughter, mission accomplished, Phil good and loose to start this run for yet another championship.

And Jeanie tweets: " Lauren Conrad just arrived she looks pretty in flowy chiffon tunic. Lakers down by 3 7 mins left in half."

But, but, but, but . . . who's Lauren Conrad?

LIKE I told Phil, no question, a Lakers' sweep, and LeBron James owes everyone an apology for making this year's NHL final more relevant.

"Start of 4th qtr," Jeanie tweets, "Lakers up by 24 but fan didnt make half court shot."

The guy must have been from Orlando.

WHY does Phil have Kobe returning to the game, the Lakers up by 25 with seven minutes to play?

Did NBA Commissioner David Stern call down to the bench and ask Phil to do something to keep everyone tuned in?

WHEN THE second question offered to Stern in his annual address before the start of the Finals is WNBA related, you know the fix is in.

MY FAVORITE Jeanie tweet: " Ron Artest and Tyrese Gibson just got here! Lakers up by 20 points! 2:28 in 3rd."

No doubt they were off together trying to come up with clever new lyrics for the national anthem.

t.j.simers@latimes.com

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