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Someone, quick, call me a cop! All right then, you’re a cop.

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The phone call to the Sacramento Police Department was from an irate husband. He was complaining about his nagging wife and he wanted police to “take care of her.” Officer Kevin Mulderrig, noticing bad reception on the line, asked the man where he was calling from.

“Los Angeles,” he answered.

“Sir, do you know this is the Sacramento Police Department?” Mulderrig asked. “Why don’t you phone the Los Angeles Police Department with your spousal complaint?”

“I did that,” the man responded. “They told me that there was nothing they could do about it, and if I didn’t like it, I should phone Sacramento.”

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The element of surprise: The above incident, which occurred in the mid-1960s, is one of several true stories from police and fire personnel collected in “First Responders Handbook of Humor” by L.A. firefighter John B. Hicks and L.A. Sheriff’s Deputy Dan Jordan.

One of the themes is that emergency personnel never know what they’re going to encounter.

Take the time Deputy John Swensen (now retired) went to a house to take a burglary report. With clipboard in hand, he was greeted by a woman who pointed to a room and said, “He’s in there.”

“Who?” Swensen asked.

“My husband has him in the back room,” she explained.

Swensen cautiously entered and found an older man shakily pointing a rifle at a juvenile on the floor.

Said the young burglary suspect: “I’ve never been so happy to see a cop.”

Oops: No matter what Jacqueline Morin’s prescription said, I’m sure that the company that bought out Sav-On didn’t mean to imply its service would be slower (see accompanying).

Mystery of the Day: On a trip to China, Eric Gardner of Hermosa Beach encountered a puzzling sign (see photo). Did it really indicate a canine restroom?

From manure to politics: Don’t forget -- Tuesday is election day, when so many seats are up for sale, or at least for rent (see photo).

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Just follow the signs to the polling booth (see photo).

miscelLAny: The recorded election campaign messages are annoying to some. But I see them as a rare opportunity. It’s fun to live in a state where I can say that I’ve hung up on Warren Beatty, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Al Gore.

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.

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