By Elayne Boosler

October 29, 2012

Moderator: I'm here with a group of undecided voters. Welcome. Tell us, any of you, how is it that you are still undecided? Haven't you heard enough to make up your minds?

Woman: I've heard too much.

Man: I decide. Then the candidate changes his answers to the complete opposite. Then I have to decide all over again. If they would hold still, I could decide once and for all. They're making us look like idiots. They're the ones who are undecided!

Everyone: Yes, agreed, right, etc. etc. No.

Moderator: Who said "no"?

Woman: I did. But I didn't mean it. I don't think.

Moderator: You're wearing two different socks.

Woman: Yes. Definitely. I like them both. I can say that for sure.

Moderator: What do any of you dislike the most?

Man: I hate when I've read the menu and made a choice, then the waiter comes over and tells me the specials. Now I have to decide all over again.

All: Yes, right, agreed, horrible, etc. etc.

Moderator: Regarding politics. So you think there's too much choice?

Woman: Have you tried to buy a toothbrush lately? I haven't brushed my teeth in five years. I can't do it. I run out of the store shaking.

Man: And toothpaste!

All: Aargh. Yes! Toothpaste! Shudder shudder…

Man: Even just the varieties of one brand alone, competing with itself. I decide I'll buy Colgate. Colgate what? Total Stripe, Cavity Fighting, Whitening, Gentle Whitening, With Baking Soda, Tartar Control, mint, gel, paste…

Moderator: How can you equate buying toothpaste with voting?

Man: You can't. Toothpaste is important. It's your teeth.

Moderator: Voting is your life.

All: Nooo! Stop! Aargh! Too big! Too big!