How to get from here to there

You know how there are two San Vicente Boulevards in L.A.? Weird, right? One San Vicente curves to form the southeastern border of Brentwood, and the other San Vicente cuts largely diagonally from Sunset and Doheny to Venice and La Brea. Here's what I would do: Get rid of everything between the two San Vicentes. Then smush the city together, filling the gap.

Yep, the solution to all our city's ills is a very, very, very big "Mad fold-in."

Think of the benefits. You can now get from the good western parts of town (Santa Monica, Venice) to the good eastern parts (West Hollywood, Los Feliz, Silver Lake) much more quickly. How many times have you been driving from one side of the city to the other and thought, "Am I still only in Westwood?"

Another benefit: Lose Westwood. Heck, lose all of West L.A. What would be missed? The worst part of the 405? So-called Millionaire's Row? The talent agencies? Face it, West L.A. is an obvious cut. In a city famous for its ugly stretches of road, that chunk of Santa Monica Boulevard is one ugly stretch of road. Kiss it goodbye. Don't worry -- there's another Zankou Chicken in Hollywood.

What about Beverly Hills? No worries -- we sell it to Dubai. Dubai will love Beverly Hills -- their whole country looks like the jewelry counter at Bulgari. (Confidentially, I already have an offer. A big offer.) And we use that money to clean the bay, hire shock troops to enforce the leaf-blower ban , buy an NFL team (I'm thinking the Patriots) and force everyone to take driving lessons. Utopia.

Matt Selman is a writer for "The Simpsons."


L.A. needs a first-class bus-centered transportation system, with reliable 24/7 service and a bus every five minutes. Double the bus fleet, provide a 50-cent fare and $20 monthly bus pass and implement bus-only lanes on all major corridors in the county instead of building multibillion-dollar rail lines or converting boulevards such as Olympic and Pico into mini-highways. Reducing the number of cars, not just moving them, must become the city's priority.

Lower fares mean more riders. From 1982 to 1985, annual bus ridership rose by 41% -- the highest in L.A. history -- when fares were dropped from 85 cents to 50 cents.

Bus-only lanes -- a means of prioritizing public transit over single-passenger automobiles -- have proved effective too. In Seoul, a city of 10 million people, adding buses on 119 miles of dedicated lanes attracted 1 million more riders.

This city needs to stop pandering to the car. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and City Council member Wendy Greuel (chair of the Transportation Committee) should lead by fronting $27 million in city money to start the bus-only lanes on Wilshire Boulevard. Waiting for federal funds to arrive puts off completion of bus-only lanes until 2011. In 2008, we need to stop talking and start building.

Francisca Porchas is lead organizer at the Bus Riders Union.