Opinion

Up, Down and Middle: How will 3 leer-worthy ‘tons’ fare in 2013?

Do try to avoid confusing Kate Upton, swimsuit model, with Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge and commoner spouse to Britain's Prince William. True, the two Kates showed up on the pop culture scene at about the same time, with Middleton and her wedding dress starring in an April 29, 2011, televised royal wedding at Westminster (not Downton) Abbey. Alas, she has been predictably the victim of invasions of her privacy, and there was a mini-scandal last year over photos of her sunbathing without the top of her swimsuit. Perhaps it is to be considered progress that the outcry was against the photographer rather than the fashionable duchess.

Do try to avoid confusing Kate Upton, swimsuit model, with Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge and commoner spouse to Britain’s Prince William. True, the two Kates showed up on the pop culture scene at about the same time, with Middleton and her wedding dress starring in an April 29, 2011, televised royal wedding at Westminster (not Downton) Abbey. Alas, she has been predictably the victim of invasions of her privacy, and there was a mini-scandal last year over photos of her sunbathing without the top of her swimsuit. Perhaps it is to be considered progress that the outcry was against the photographer rather than the fashionable duchess.   (Alastair Grant / Associated Press)

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If you don’t watch starchy public TV soaps, follow gossip blogs or read glossy men’s or sports magazines, 2012 may have left you confused. Who keeps leaving the second “w” out of “Downtown,” and since when is there a British abbey there? Is the Kate who stays in the bikini (barely) different from or the same as the one who doesn’t (occasionally)? Which “ton” is a true royal (careful now; trick question) and which one is gilt merely by association? Why does not knowing the answers to these questions make us feel so clueless, while knowing them makes us feel like stalkers? Are we now done with all three “tons” — Up, Down and Middle? Or will we still have to shoulder the burden in 2013?
— Robert Greene

We are not done with Kate Middleton

Her announcement late last year that she is pregnant is bound to keep her in the pop culture spotlight, much as the late Princess Diana’s pregnancies with Middleton’s now-husband and brother-in-law did in the 1980s. One way to keep from confusing her with the other Kate: Seven or eight of Upton’s Sports Illustrated outfits could easily fit into one of Middleton’s hats.

Above: The Duchess of Cambridge visited the Kranji Commonwealth War Memorial in Singapore on Sept. 13, 2012.  (Nicolas Asfouri / Associated Press)

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