What do you get when you combine Google Glass, “selfies” and sex? Yep, a new app called Sex With Glass.
Oh, Lord, please don’t let Kim and Kanye get a hold of this one!
Now, the L.A. Times is a family newspaper, and a serious newspaper, so (spoiler alert!) there will be absolutely no pictures accompanying this post such as those on the website of the Guardian -- which you would think is a serious newspaper, having broken the Edward Snowden/NSA surveillance scandal and all, but I guess still retains its British cheek, shall we say.
Anyway, the app: The basic idea is that Sex With Glass will allow a couple, both properly equipped with said devices, to experience sex from a, ahem, different point of view. Sure, it records your amorous encounter. But wait, there’s more! At a swipe, or a voice command, users can switch views, allowing each to see what his/her his/his her/her other/other partner is seeing.
Yes, you read that right. You see what she sees. (That’s just to simplify; it’s too hard to keep typing all the permutations, OK?)
Which is, frankly, a more terrifying invasion of privacy than anything the NSA has and/or will ever do. Not to mention that foreplay is likely to devolve into something like this: “You go ahead.” “No, you first.” “No, you first, I insist! “Oh, never mind, let’s just watch a movie.”
And, yes, there could be some other awkward moments: He: I knew it, she’s admiring my abs. She: Hey, wait a minute, he’s watching the game?!
But wait, there’s still more.
With a properly wired house (can you say Google Nest?), the users can control music and lighting, or perhaps even browse “The Kama Sutra” for a little, uh, inspiration. Also, the video will be stored in the cloud for a fun-filled post-game critique -- though only for five hours. Then, much like the old “Mission: Impossible” gimmick, the video self-destructs, or deletes, or goes away, or whatever it is stuff in the cloud does. (Rains? Hails? Snows?)
And just how did this app come to pass? No, it is not the brainchild of a modern-day Marquis de Sade. As the Guardian wrote: “The project started off with the question ‘How can we make sex more awesome with Google Glass,’ says Sherif Maktabi, the founder of the project.”
Oh, and here I figured it was something more like, “How can I make a lot of money off Google Glass, live in Covent Garden, drive a Ferrari and vacation in the south of France, all before I’m 30?”
Or perhaps this: “How can I make sex as embarrassing and/or humiliating as trying on a swimsuit in a store or going to the gym when one doesn’t look like Kate Upton or Matthew McConaughey?”
Just last week, I was worried that my Target card had been hacked. Just last year, I was worried that the NSA had been reading my emails/listening to my phone calls.
And now someday soon, I’ll get to worry about what my wife saw last night.
In my humble castle, my wife’s favorite viewing is “Borgen.” Mine is “SportsCenter.” And I think that, “Brave New World” future be damned, that’s the way it’s going to stay in Casa Modest.
But for you young people itching to try out this sex selfie, let me offer this: I know you’re all busy trying to dream up the latest get-rich-quick app, which doesn’t leave much time for you to brush up on Greek mythology. But perhaps there is one cautionary tale that applies, at least in this case.
It’s the one about Narcissus.
Go ahead, Google it.
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