If you can answer more than eight of these questions about Tiger Woods, you need to spend more time reading about Afghanistan and climate change.
1. What did Tiger say after Elin Nordegren Woods pulled him out of the Escapade?
A) Put me back!
B) Please, anything but a careless driving citation.
C) There goes Gatorade.
2. According to TMZ.com, Tiger was admitted to the hospital under an alias. What was it?
A) John Doe.
B) John Daly.
C) William Smith.
D) William Cablinasian
3. Who said the following about Elin: "I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of a 3-iron.''
A) Swing coach Butch Harmon
B) Caddie Steve Williams
C) Her former boss, Jesper Parnevik
D) Tiger in a moment of self reflection
4. Arrange the following alleged mistresses in their order of appearance:
A) Kalika Moquin
D) Jamie Jungers
5. Alleged Tiger mistress Joslyn James starred in the following movie:
A) Girl on Girl Tickle Wards
B) The Hills Have Thighs
C) My Bare Lady
D) Who's Your Mama, II
6. After her alleged dalliance with Tiger, porn actress Holly Sampson said:
B) The wonderful thing about Tiggers is Tiggers are wonderful things.
C) I have to say, he was really good.
D) It wasn't just a sexual situation, it was – I believe, it – it was love.
7. Rush Limbaugh made the following controversial comment:
A) I think the media has been very desirous that a black golfer do well.
B) The black frame of mind is terrible. They're depressed… I'm sure Tiger Woods' choice of females [is] not helping 'em out with their attitudes there, either.
C) Do you believe Tiger Woods may actually be O.J. Simpson?
D) Hey, Tiger, can you spare any of that Vicodin?
8. Who really said answer C in the above question.
A) Mark Furman
B) Glenn Beck
C) Greta Van Susteren
D) Mark NeJame
9. According to Mindy Lawton, what was Tiger's favorite breakfast at Perkins?
A) An egg white omelet with broccoli
B) Two Mammoth Muffins
C) Surprise me!
D) A dozen raw eggs with a shot of Tobasco.
10. Who said: "It's safe to say that sex addiction might be part of his problem.''
A) Dr. Drew Pinsky.
B) New York Times Columnist Maureen Dowd
C) Dr. Phil
11. In 2004, Peyton Manning signed a 7-year, $99.2 million contract that included a $34.5 million signing bonus. According to the Daily Beast, how does that compare with Elin's contract?
A) Her current prenup gives her $20 million over 10 years.
B) She may resign for $75 million for seven years, including a $5 million signing bonus.
C) She walked out of the negotiations and is demanding half of everything.
D) She is opting for free agency in Sweden.
12. What was the 155-foot yacht on which Tiger and Elin spend their honeymoon?
A) Blond Voyage
C) Tiger's Den
D) Monkey Business.
A) He discriminates against minority women.
B) He discriminates against natural breasts.
C) He frequents the same trailer parks as Bill Clinton.
D) He has a thing for Barbie.
Answers: 1, D; 2, C; 3, C; 4, C-B-A-D; 5, D; 6, C; 7, B; 8, B; 9, A; 10, A; 11, B; 12, B; 13, D.
0-3 correct answers: NPR listener.
4-6 correct answers: Works for a living.
7-9 correct answers: Need to lay off TMZ.com.
10-13 correct answers: Could do my job.