The Last Laugh

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After a whirlwind, 40-city swing across the U.S. and Canada, comedian Nick Swardson - best known for his roles in Grandma’s Boy, Reno 911 and basically every Adam Sandler movie since 2003 - has vowed to finish his two-month Taste It tour in San Diego.

In advance of his two local shows this month, Swardson discusses performing live, Pepto-Bismol and his cat’s poo-poo problems.

PacificSD: Why should people be excited to come see you perform?
Nick Swardson: Because I talk about things that people can relate to, like drinking and farting. I really open upthe door with a whole new take on those subjects. I think that, in a time when ebola is everywhere, people need to know about drinking and farting.

If your show biz career hadn’t taken off, what kind of job do you think you’d be working?
That’s funny. I always think about that. I think I would be like a grade school teacher, ‘cause I would be amongst my peers, and it just seems like it would be easy. I could just make fart noises and have fun. And I wouldn’t have to really know anything. Like, if you’re a grade school teacher, you don’t really have to know anything. You just have to be able to add and, like, point to pictures, which is pretty easy.

San Diego has a burgeoning improv scene. What’s your advice for local up-and-comers?
Don’t jerk-off on stage.

Which rising comedians do you most enjoy watching perform?
It’s hard, as a comedian, to watch comedy. You become so desensitized. The only people that really make me laugh right now, and they’re friends of mine, are Daniel Tosh and Bill Burr. If I would ever watch anybody, which I rarely do, it’d be those two.

Who’s the funniest person most of America doesn’t know about yet?
I would say Dana Gould. He’s been around for a long time. He was a mentor of mine and a producer on The Simpsons. He’s an amazing comedian. He’s been a stand-up for like 25, 30 years. He’s a genius; a really, really brilliant comedian.

What’s the best part about being Nick Swardson?
I get a lot of free shots at bars.

And the worst part?
I get a lot of free shots at bars.

If you could have any superpower, which would you choose?
I’d just like to be able to eat anything all the time. I love eating. All I want to do is eat. So if I could just eat constantly, that would be amazing.

If you ran for president, who would you choose as a running mate?
Carrot Top.

What’s your spirit animal?
A piglet.

What’s the worst joke you’ve ever told?
I think all of my jokes are bad, but this was a joke that I wrote and I had Sarah Silverman do it on stage. And I did it on-stage once. I said, “It’s Pepto-Bismol’s 40th Anniversary, and they’re celebrating 40 years of diarrhea.” It’s the stupidest joke ever, but there was a good month when I thought it was the funniest thing ever, and I kept making people tell it. I kept grabbing my comedy friends. I think I had Galifianakis maybe tell it, I can’t remember. I kept pawning it off on people.

Favorite joke you’ve ever told on stage?
My personal favorite, which ironically also involves diarrhea, is, “I have a cat, and my cat is sick right now. So I took him to the vet, ‘cause he had diarrhea. And the vet’s like, ‘What have you been feeding him?’ And I’m like, ‘Diarrhea.’”

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NICK SWARDSON

11/8: Pechanga Resort & Casino, pechanga.com
11/9: Balboa Theatre, sandiegotheatres.org