* (out of four)
Passionately in love with his own appearance, high school hotshot Kyle (Alex Pettyfer of “I Am Number Four”) doesn’t care about the environment but tells his classmates to elect him president of the “Green Committee” anyway—because he’s attractive. Rather than punish the mindless tools who vote for Kyle, witchy outcast Kendra (
The buzz: Based on Alex Flinn’s novel that modernizes “Beauty and the Beast,” “Beastly” also strongly argues against movie stardom for Pettyfer and Hudgens, whose performances suggest they think they’re playing a concrete block and a feather. Fortunately Neil Patrick Harris is on hand as, yes, Kyle’s blind tutor, the only character in the movie whose behavior is funny on purpose.
The verdict: Full of helpful tips on dating strategies such as underhanded manipulation and blatant stalking, the stunningly terrible “Beastly” spares Kyle any actual humiliation while rewarding his self-serving agenda and newfound (half-hearted) compassion for people whose issues have nothing to do with the way they look. Lindy’s so oblivious she notices neither that Kyle’s eyebrows say “Embrace” and “Suck,” nor that, apparently, her trip from
Did you know? Kyle’s online profile lists his interests as “anything bangable.” Two points for honesty, point off for vagueness.
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