'Final Destination 5' review: Spoiler alert: Everybody dies

*1/2 (out of four)

If you felt like death was chasing you after a colleague’s (Nicholas D’Agosto) premonition saved you from a horrifying bridge collapse, you’d probably avoid exposure to dangerous objects and unpredictable situations. You, fortunately, are not any of the risk-taking idiots in this story, who respond to the constant, chilling presence of death by deciding that now would be a great time to get acupuncture, have laser eye surgery and so forth.

The buzz: Considering the previous installment of this remarkably redundant franchise starred Nick Zano and Krista Allen, the presence of pros like David Koechner (as an idiotic exec who accidentally mourns a survivor during a eulogy) and Courtney B. Vance (as a pointless detective) doesn’t hurt. What does hurt: Wrench through the head!

The verdict: Here’s faint praise: This “Final Destination” is, unlike the last few sequels, not a uniformly soul-sucking experience. Part 5 contains a little more discussion of morality, and its focus is slightly more people-oriented, rather than soon-to-be-a-corpse-oriented. Still, the point remains to excessively foreshadow disaster—Warning! Warning! There’s a screw on that balance beam!—and wait anxiously for these poor folks to gruesomely meet their maker with maximum splatter. It’s one thing for horror movies to confront fear; it’s another to crassly manifest it in all situations, which makes the violence in “Final Destination 5” feel unpleasantly paranoid yet inevitable. Personally, I’d like to be able to cut my nails without worrying that they’ll burst into flames.

Did you know? An end-credits montage features some of the series’ “greatest hits” of death as AC/DC sings, “If you want blood, you got it.” Possibly the most appropriate song choice ever.

Watch Matt on “You & Me This Morning,” Fridays at 7 a.m. on WCIU, the U

mpais@tribune.com

Copyright © 2015, Los Angeles Times
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