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Emotional Intelligence and Romantic Relationships

He makes you feel giddy and mushy-gushy all over. But can your guyfight fairly and comfort you when you're feeling down? Before yousay "I do," make sure he's got the emotional smarts to do right byyou.

What is Emotional Intelligence (EI)?

You've probably heard of IQ, which stands for "intelligencequota"—a person's score on an intelligence test that measurescognitive abilities. But it doesn't measure your ability to beemotionally intelligent—to respond to other people andsituations in emotionally appropriate ways.

John Mayer and Peter Salovey proposed the concept of emotionalintelligence in 1990 and Daniel Goleman gave it the impetus tobecome a household phrase in 1995 with the publication of his book,Emotional Intelligence. What made this concept so compelling is thediscovery that people with high EI scores are typically moresuccessful in their interpersonal relationships and in theworkplace than those with lower EI scores.

Why High EI is So Important

Emotionally intelligent people manage themselves and theirrelationships productively by being conscious of their own andothers' emotions and needs. They are trustworthy, conscientious,adaptable, achievement-oriented and responsive to opportunities.They get along and work well with others because they demonstratestrong empathy, leadership, conflict-management and communicationskills.

Your emotionally intelligent guy would not lash out at asalesperson when the item he wanted wasn't in stock; or make fun ofa person with a disability; or be dismissive of someone else'sfeelings. He would apologize if he realized he was hurting you; tryto diffuse your anger by listening to your reason for being angryand demonstrating understanding for how you feel; and he wouldlearn to do what you need him to do to help get you out of afunk.

Emotional IQ Tests

The Internet has a number of emotional IQ tests that yourguy—and you—can take. Each one has a different approachto assessing emotional IQ. The test, "What is your emotionalIQ?", is worth taking because it evaluates several aspects ofyour EI and suggests ways to improve it. This test even evaluateshow well you really know yourself compared to how well you thinkyou know yourself. The test has been researched and designedaccording to the American Psychological Association standards foreducational and psychological testing, ensuring the results you'llget—in a detailed report—are reliable and valid. Thefull report costs $7.95.

Your Guy's Emotional Compatibility—Can It Be Improved?

If your guy's EI scores were low, but you think he still haspotential, you may be right. EI can be improved, as long as aperson wants and is willing to make an effort to improve. So ifhe?s willing to do what it takes, give him a chance.

Also, take the test yourself and share your results with your guy.It's the emotionally intelligent thing to do!

For more information visit danielgoleman.info,

queendom.comand

psychtests.com.

Copyright © 2014, Los Angeles Times
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