Sports

Kegasus says Preakness worship is not to blame for 'The Rapture'

EquestrianKegasus (fictional character)Preakness StakesThe Jockey Club IncorporatedTriple CrownThe Rapture

Great news, everyone. I tracked down Kegasus in his “man stall,” and after he made all the reporters on hand close their eyes and throw darts at a dartboard, he finally answered all the softball questions they had to throw at him. But here at Baltimore Sports Blitz, I ask the hard questions -- even to hairy, sweaty, husky men who get paid by the Maryland Jockey Club to wear half of a horse costume in public.

You might have heard that the world will start to come to an end sometime before the Preakness tonight. Meanwhile, beer-guzzling Baltimoreans have been mugging Kegasus wherever he galloped today. Might this worship of a pagan god have something to with this whole "Rapture" thing?

“Oh, no. There is no worshipping whatsoever involved in the epic partying and joyous celebration of InfieldFest,” Kegasus explained as sweat ran down his ample bosom. “I am simply the lord and protector of all those who attempt and truly achieve legendary status at InfieldFest. I wouldn’t call it worshipping at all. If anything, I worship not only the InfieldFest and all of its attendees, but the Preakness, all three jewels of the Triple Crown and the sport of kings itself.”

Kegasus, whose existence at this event ruffled the feathers of traditionalists who believe the Maryland Jockey Club’s spokescentaur sent mixed messages about alcohol consumption, said he has been treated well by folks in the Infield. Every time I saw him he was posing for photos or chatting with racegoers.

But what will happen to those in the Infield if the world does start to come to its end before the race?

"Whether or not the world ends today, everyone in attendance at InfieldFest could die happy," Kegasus said.

Copyright © 2014, Los Angeles Times
Related Content
EquestrianKegasus (fictional character)Preakness StakesThe Jockey Club IncorporatedTriple CrownThe Rapture
Comments
Loading