Kobe Bryant gets more assists on the bench than on the court

Before I get to “The Hunger Games,” motivator Donald Sterling, idiot Dodgers fans and asking whether Arte Moreno is talking to Mike Scioscia, I would think we’re all in agreement: Kobe Bryant should be coaching the Lakers.

Tell me you would miss Mike Brown.

Let’s be honest here, the Lakers have never played so well.

And that’s with Kobe dressed in a very nice suit and focused only on how he might assist the other players. It’s just amazing what happens when he concentrates on team play.

This is probably the first time all season you’ve thought the Lakers might have a real shot to advance in the playoffs, and Kobe isn’t playing.

Do the Lakers win four in a row with Kobe?

I know this sounds ridiculous, but do you really want him back on the court mucking things up as he dribbles the shot clock away before taking an off-balance prayer?

Maybe he helps the Lakers more just where he is.

Don Mattingly had no experience as a manager and most folks think he’s doing just fine with the Dodgers. And it’s not as if Kobe can do any worse than Magic when it comes to coaching the Lakers.

Maybe it’s just me, but I think Kobe looks great on the bench. And make sure you tell him if you see him.

And you have to admit, Andrew Bynum has never looked better. Bryant and Bynum are working so well together too. Bynum was actually listening to everything Bryant had to say during a timeout.

That probably doesn’t happen if Bryant is playing. Bynum knows that whatever Bryant has to say, the ball will somehow still end up in Bryant’s hands.

Now ask yourself: Has Kobe ever looked happier? He’s just all smiles sitting on the bench. The state he’s in, he might even figure it out if someone is pulling his non-injured leg.

Someone tells me he was spotted at a hockey game with his children.

Can he do that if he’s cranking up shots from all over the court? He’s probably too tired and home in bed or too sore and sitting in a tub of ice. At least coaching isn’t so tough, or so I’ve told many of our coaches in town.

Hey, I think we’re looking at a win-win here. The Lakers are playing so well without him and Kobe is finding his niche as cheerleader.

Of course, he’ll probably insist on coming back, but I worry now it won’t go well and he’ll take the heat for messing up the team’s chemistry. Again.

THIS EYEWITNESS report has to be wrong, doesn’t it?

I’m told they showed Chris Paul on the Dodger Stadium scoreboard Sunday with his 2-year-old son sitting in his lap. They were Matt Kemp’s guests. It was Jackie Robinson Day, Paul’s son attending his first game, Paul wearing a Dodgers cap and jersey.

And Dodgers fans booed both loudly.

There isn’t a nicer, classier athlete in town, who should be taking a bow for making the Clippers relevant. He plays for an L.A. team. And he’s getting booed?

Maybe Frank McCourt isn’t the only one who should be getting the boot.

WHEN ANGELS owner Moreno went Mike Garrett on me and refused to say so much as hi, I thought it was me. You probably thought the same.

I’ve now learned that Arte Immature has gone three years without talking to another Times writer and without letting him know why.

He has gone a year without talking to a Yahoo baseball writer, and he yelled at one of our Angels beat guys in spring training and told him to stay away.

So do you think he’s still talking to Scioscia? Who has done Arte wrong more than the manager of the Angels, failing to make the playoffs the last two years and going bust to start this season?

If he’s talking to Scioscia he has some explaining to do. Unfortunately, just not to me.

EVER SINCE March 26, when Sterling, the Clippers’ version of the Rally Monkey, said Coach Vinny Del Negro was here to stay, the team is 10-2.

I wonder if Moreno will have Sterling speak to the Angels.

JUST SAW “The Hunger Games.” I’m hip like that.

I’m not surprised it’s a hit. How can you not like a movie based on a reality TV show where the reality TV show director is asked to kill himself in the end.

Brings a whole new meaning to “The Biggest Loser.”

You may not be familiar with “The Hunger Games.” Just think NBA playoffs, 16 teams, everyone dead but the champion.

LeBron James would play the role of Kato in the movie and be the favorite to be crowned the winner.

I’d tell you more but don’t want to ruin the movie or how the NBA playoffs will end. But let me just say this, if Paul suddenly takes up archery or is seen wearing a mockingjay pin, you will be in for quite a surprise.

THE BEST thing Bynum has going for him is Kemp, who rose above his problems and calls to be traded to be honored now a third straight week for his play going back to last season.

Kemp, who was never as disrespectful to people as Bynum, is now a delight to be around. Although maybe the best player in baseball, Kemp is keen on remaining humble.

It really is a great success story, but as tall as he is, probably way over Bynum’s head.

t.j.simers@latimes.com