If only someone had whispered in Fisher's ear, "Psssst, coach, the BCS has been pretty kind to Florida State." In 2000, the BCS computers pushed the Seminoles into the title game instead of Miami, which stood No. 2 in both polls and defeated Florida State during the season.
Texas A&M's Manziel isn't allowed to talk, but Texas Tech Coach Tommy Tuberville can whack the headset off a graduate assistant's head on national television and later tell everyone it was an accident. And get away with only a reprimand.
Mike Leach has said his Washington State players had an "empty corpse quality" and looked as if they came from a zombie convention.
He and his staff are now being accused by his former star receiver of abuse. Leach denies any wrongdoing.
Manziel can't talk about beating Alabama in Tuscaloosa but we get to hear Wyoming Coach Dave Christensen savage Air Force Coach Troy Calhoun in a postgame, expletive-filled attack that would have turned Howdy Doody's face 100 shades of Alabama's Crimson.
Lane Kiffin suggested out loud he wouldn't vote USC No. 1 when he did. UCLA Coach Jim Mora said a lowlife sending out tweets using a Bruins player's name should be jailed, though he later amended his comments.
Manziel is Harpo Marx, or the silent half in Penn & Teller, but Oregon Coach Chip Kelly can go on television week after week and spin fairy tales.
As Oregon players literally limped off the field toward surgery in Saturday night's game against Cal at Berkeley, the Ducks coach blithely chanted his rehearsed mantra to a sideline reporter: "What injuries?"
To start with, starting safety Avery Patterson had been shown being helped down a staircase with tears streaming down his face after sustaining an apparent knee injury that will keep him out of this week's game against Stanford and all others.
Other "what injuries?" included star back Kenjon Barner's writhing in pain as he clutched his wrist and star quarterback Marcus Mariota's dangling his left (non-throwing) shoulder as he ran to the sideline.
Among other Oregon players not recognized as injured were three of the Ducks' top defensive linemen, who watched from the sideline with non-injuries to their shoulder, foot and knee.
The X-ray was developed in the late 1800s, but it is only "rumored" in Eugene that defensive lineman Wade Keliikipi has a broken ankle.
Injuries are taboo at Oregon, yet it appears offensive star De'Anthony Thomas may have to play some cornerback against Stanford this week.
Johnny can write and read (especially defenses), but don't let him near a microphone this year.
Let the paid professionals handle the tough questions, because you just never know what might come out of a freshman's mouth.