They ought to be selling doormats

The time has come again for distraught Detroit Lions fans to fret over the draft day question already orbiting in cyberspace: What will Matt Millen do?

Millen, the team’s president, has been an albatross to more than a few Lions fans, yet he has been good for stimulating the local economy. In fact, hating him has become a cottage industry.

At Firematt.com, the standard coffee mugs, sweatshirts, T-shirts and caps are being offered for a hefty price (kids’ T-shirts, $17). But specialty items are also available.

The Fire Matt barbecue apron – for raking Millen over the coals.

The Fire Matt beer stein – in case Millen keeps his job.

The Fire Matt mouse pad – for those endless hours spent lounging around the dank basement at mom’s house firing off scathing Millen e-mails to Detroit-area newspapers, while perusing russianmailorderbride.net.

The Fire Matt clock – to pinpoint the exact second when Millen should get the boot.

For Lions fans, that would be every hour on the hour.

Trivia time

What team has drafted the most Heisman Trophy winners?

It’s Millen time

Lions fans may have a reason to worry.

Millen, after all, once used first picks to draft wide receivers three consecutive years, from 2003-05, even though his delivery system was Joey Harrington.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but we haven’t really looked at what people have said we should do too often,” Millen told reporters this week.

Sure, ignore all that wild talk about needing life preservers, just clutch that anchor and kick.

Looking for a net profit

An AC Milan fan, whose patience obviously had reached its limit, put Dida, the team’s goalkeeper, up for sale on EBay this week. Bids for Dida topped out at $96.66 before his name was pulled off the market by website officials.

Turns out, the fan didn’t have the pink slip.

They get no kick from champagne

Minnesota Twins outfielder Torii Hunter promised the Kansas City Royals a little bubbly at the end of last season, not realizing the hiccup it would cause.

Hunter sent champagne to the Royals last weekend for sweeping the Detroit Tigers in the last series of the 2006 season, which gave the Twins the AL Central Division title. That, however, violated a little-known rule prohibiting players’ offering incentives to other teams, something that carries a sobering three-year suspension.

The champagne was returned in a condition required for Sammy Sosa’s bats: uncorked.

“I do good things,” Hunter told the Minneapolis Star Tribune. “If you want to make a good thing into a bad thing, then so be it.”

Still, Hunter should know better. There hasn’t been a need for champagne around the Royals’ clubhouse since 1985.

Beer nuts

Buffalo Sabres fans were hotter than the wings they munched on Wednesday, as the traditional “Party in the Plaza” outside HSBC Arena took place sans suds. Sabres officials had shut off the beer taps to make the gathering more “family friendly.”

Well, in a sign democracy can work, a smaller turnout in the plaza Wednesday led to the prohibition being repealed for Friday’s game.

Sabres fan Brian Cox, speaking for the masses, said, “Nobody wants to stand for three hours watching a hockey game and not be able to drink.”

Trivia answer

The Lions with 10, though none since Andre Ware in 1989. Of course, that would make anyone wary of statuesque draft picks.

And finally

While the Raiders pondered whether JaMarcus Russell is the next (gulp) Daunte Culpepper, draft news was being made. The Modi’in Miracle, of the Israel Baseball League, selected 71-year-old Sandy Koufax in the league’s inaugural draft.

Said Miracle Manager Art Shamsky, “It’s been 41 years between starts for him. If he’s rested and ready to take the mound again, we want him on our team.”

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 chris.foster@latimes.com