Oregon Ducks’ offense a different kind of animal

Duck. Duck. Whoosh.

Those bright flashes dancing through Arroyo Seco this afternoon will not be the traditional winter sun, but Oregon kids on the run.

That chill whipping through the Pasadena trees will not be the familiar winter breeze, but Ohio kids on their knees.

Cover up, bundle up, heads up, the Rose Bowl is about to become Ohhhs Bowl, thousands of mouths open in wonder, shaped like the letter that symbolizes the team about to capture breaths and steal hearts and make the battered Pacific 10 Conference whole again.

Every Duck has his day, and this one will belong to Oregon, which should run past Ohio State this afternoon in a game that will hark back to the Rose Bowls of the early 1900s.

Chariot races everywhere.

There will be crazy galloping, nasty tumbling, dirt flying, heads swiveling, and when it’s done, college football will have learned the identity of the 2009 season’s most entertaining team, if not one of its best.

Oregon wins and is fitted for next year’s national championship race. Ohio State loses and is fitted with 80 neck braces.

“Our offense is crazy,” said Ducks quarterback Jeremiah Masoli.

“It’s the ultimate test,” said Buckeyes defensive tackle Doug Worthington.

It’s living, breathing perspiration, that’s what it is. Just ask Jim Heacock, the distinguished-looking Buckeyes defensive coordinator who got all gooey last week when asked about it.

He was discussing Masoli’s pitchouts, LaMichael James’ cuts, Jeff Maehl’s hands, when suddenly he started scratching his armpits.

“Can we change the subject?” he said with a sheepish grin. “I’m sweating just talking about it.”

Sitting in an open-air press box in a freezing mist in Eugene, Ore., on Halloween night, I was sweating just watching it.

In rolling to a positively ghoulish 47-20 victory over USC, Oregon gained 613 total yards against what was then one of the top-ranked defenses in the country.

It was the most yards anyone had gained against USC in 63 years. I’ve never seen a Pete Carroll defense so completely fooled and flattened.

It might have been the most energetic, exhausting three hours of college football this season, and when hundreds of devilishly costumed characters rushed the Autzen Stadium field afterward to mingle with the players, it was hard to tell the difference.

“A pretty cool night,” said Masoli.

In losing only to Boise State in an odd season opener, and Stanford in a USC-hangover game, the Ducks have had lots of those games.

Nationally they are ranked sixth in rushing offense, seventh in scoring offense, and probably first in blow-your-hair-back offense.

Ten times this year, they have had scoring drives of at least 10 plays that have lasted less than five official clock minutes.

Think about that.

“I can’t explain it,” said tight end Ed Dickson. “We just get out there and run.”

In one drive against Washington State, they went 73 yards in 11 plays in 2:42.

It takes USC’s Matt Barkley two minutes just to drop back.

In another drive against Stanford, they went 81 yards in 12 plays in 2:36.

It takes UCLA’s Rick Neuheisel that long just to yell at his quarterback.

“We don’t really like boring football games,” said Ducks offensive coordinator Mark Helfrich.

“We’re trying to create a different kind of animal.”

The beast is composed of smaller, quicker players who might not fit in traditional football powerhouses. The scheme is designed to highlight the skills of these players while minimizing the risk.

If Oregon tried to win a man-to-man trench duel against Ohio State, it would get pummeled. The Ducks win by fooling the defense into matchups that become man-against-nobody, a green jersey flying past you with the ball while you tackle somebody else.

“We don’t want a fair fight,” said Helfrich.

Buckeyes, you’re not in Ann Arbor anymore.

Said Buckeyes safety Kurt Coleman: “They try to rattle you, get you out of your element.”

Marveled Worthington: “You miss one tackle, the guy is going 80 yards.”

As with everything in offensive football, the Ducks’ attack starts with the huddle.

They don’t have one. Never use one. It’s snap and run, snap and run, a 60-minute game disguised as a two-minute drill.

“Sometimes we slow down,” said Helfrich. “You know, when we have to wait for the officials.”

The plays are signaled from the sideline, but the players have only a few seconds to see it before lining up. If the signal is missed, then a player can shout to Masoli to scream it out before the snap.

“I’ve got so much to do, I ask the guys, can they please find the play themselves?” Masoli said.

But if the play is still missed, well, Oregon’s offense might lead the nation in allowing unblocked tackles. But it also might lead the nation in no-block touchdown runs.

“It can be nuts on certain plays, and I’m thinking, ‘OK, we’re dead here,’ ” said Masoli. “Then I turn around and LaMichael is breaking free for a nine-yard run.”

While it might look as if the official name of every play is, “Here, Take It, Run With It, Get Out Of Here, Go,” there is a method here.

If the Ducks can see you are tired, they are running toward you.

If they think you are exhausted, they are running directly at you.

“We watch for that huff and puff,” said Helfrich. “We see that, we attack.”

Oregon will win, Granddaddy will chuckle and the Pac-10 -- which is 2-4 in bowl games while being outscored 179-128 -- will sigh.

This is the right team in the right pace at the right time.

Ready. Set. Quack.

bill.plaschke@latimes.com

twitter.com/billplaschke