FROM THE CHEAP SEATS
October 21, 2012
Josh Scobee, you slacker.
The Jacksonville Jaguars kicker stands out from all other NFL kickers but his distinction is not likely to earn him a free beer in a Jacksonville sports bar. Scobee, you see, is the only kicker to miss an extra point this season.
Scobee is 3-for-4 on extra points. (Although he is 8-for-8 on field goals and his 175 career field goals tie the team record, but ignore that because it doesn't help our story.)
Actually I'm not calling for the removal of Scobee. Get rid of the extra-point kick. Going into today, 431 of 432 have been good this season. In other words, what's the point of the extra point? A boring waste of time.
A. Take the snap on the 30, making it a 40-yard kick.
B. Make the extra-point kick illegal and award one extra point for a successful run or pass. Much more fun.
Then blame it on Scobee.
Middle-aged bikers blaming me
Last week I suggested men of a certain age should not wear those tight, black biker shorts. Well, the response was strong. Here's part of what Tom E. said: "You are one ignorant man, attacking people for being healthy and not even having a clue why we wear the cycling clothes we do. ... Since you look like you are a day away from a massive heart attack, maybe you should get on a bike and stay out of McDonald's."
Many others made similar observations.
Fair enough, Tom. But you know that saying about "you never forget how to ride a bicycle?" I forgot. But that's not surprising, right?
Fab five football picks
Last Week: I don't want to talk about it. I was 6-8 straight up (falling to 52-39 for the season) and, gasp, 4-10 against the spread (37-53-1 for the season). And Tim Tebow has not returned my call for help. It can't get worse.
New Orleans (1-4) at Tampa (2-3) — 'Aints favored by 2.5
Interesting how we still love the 'Aints. Granted, Drew Brees has 10 TD passes in his last 3 games but they still won just once. And they are giving up 31 points a game. And they are on the road. I'm talking myself into something foolish.
Jerry says: In a Foolish Upset Special, Yucs by 11.
Jacksonville (1-4) at Oakland (1-4) — Raiders favored by 4
Last week Raiders RB Darren McFadden carried the ball 27 times for all of 70 yards. Interim Coach Dennis Allen: "I was pleased with the way that he ran with the ball." — What? Then Dennis added: "There's still meat left on the bone there." — Uh, sure.
Jerry says: Freaky Raiders by 9 bones.
Baltimore (5-1) at Houston (5-1) — Texans favored by 6.5
Quote of the week goes to Raven KR Jacoby Jones, who was asked why he ran out a kickoff from nine yards deep: "I had an itch. And I had to scratch it." We all know what that's like, Jacoby.
Jerry says: Texans but just by 3.
Cleveland (1-5) at Indianapolis (2-3) — Dolts favored by 2.5
The secret is out! In the Browns' game program last week, QB Brandon Weeden's age was listed as 129. It was his birthday but still ... As for the Browns' winning streak, it ends here.
Jerry says: Dolts by 5.
Arizona (4-2) at Minnesota (4-2) — Vikes favored by 6.5
Cards QB Kevin Kolb is out because he had multiple ribs detached from his sternum. Friends, it hurt just to type that.
Jerry says: Healthy Vikes but just by 4.
These are the notes, folks
•The San Francisco Bulls hockey club has a new business slogan: "SF Bulls tickets. Act like you got a pair." Noted Jim Gardner of the S.F. Business Times: "It's safe to say the San Francisco Bulls ... do not see couples or families as its target market."
•According to a website that tracks these things, Wrigley Field has the dirtiest restrooms in baseball. Apparently the restrooms get cleaned as soon as the Cubs win a World Series.
•From ABC's Jimmy Kimmel: "There's a new company in the United Kingdom called Fame Daddy, and what Fame Daddy does is it matches women with anonymous celebrity sperm donors so you can have a famous person's baby. We already have that in America. It's called the NBA."
•According to the investigative reporters at Star magazine, Khloe and Lamar are breaking up. I really thought this would be the one that would last. (100 bonus points if you don't know who we're talking about.)
•Speaking of shocking scandal, is it true that Go Daddy may drop Danica Patrick from the next Super Bowl commercials? Be tough, Danica. I'd boycott Go Daddy except I've never bothered to notice what Go Daddy does.
What's that in your mouth?
You want to know the most disgusting problem in football? Mouthpieces. Think about where they've been other than your mouth. Phil Richards of The Star Press in Indianapolis takes an uncomfortably close look at football's dirtiest secret. Find out for yourself here.
Jerry Greene admits he was not wearing his 'piece while writing this. He often sounds like he's choking on something Mondays through Fridays from 9 a.m. to noon on The Beat of Sports, hosted by Marc Daniels on 740 the Game radio. He takes comments at email@example.com and tries to answer all, even if they are from middle-aged bikers. And have a great Sunday.
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