Dishing out holiday cheer to Tim Tebow, all our readers

Jerry dishes out his latest NFL picks

Ho, ho, ho.

If there ever was a year that we needed Santa, this is it. Of course I'm not really Santa, even though I do have the correct body type. But we can all help, right? So allow me to hand out presents to some folks we all know. Granted, some may not want these gifts but they all are more appropriate than that sweater your Aunt Molly gives you every year.

The gifts:

• Everyone in South Florida that was suckered into investing in Marlins Park: Their money and their trust back.

Tim Tebow: Either a good football home or a white suit and a move to 11 a.m. Sundays on national TV.

• Lance Armstrong: Blessed anonymity.

• Usain Bolt: Really comfortable shoes.

• Notre Dame: Genuine football glory.

Tiger Woods: At least one major in 2013.

• Replacement refs: See Lance Armstrong.

Johnny Manziel: A profitable nickname. (Oh, wait...)

• Hockey fans: A reason to fire up the NHL Zambonies.

Dwight Howard: Hitting 60 percent of freethrows and finding happiness (somewhere).

• Michael Phelps: A dry shirt.

Roger Goodell: Just a pinch of humility.

Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens: Justice (if that's what they want.)

Brett Favre: A call from the Arizona Cards. (Come on, at least they'd be watchable.)

• All of us: Peace on earth, good will toward men.

Finally, visualize a large sock filled with coal and decide who should get it. Plenty of candidates.

Fab Five Football Picks

Connect
Advertisement

VIDEO