Championship week in college football is here. Another year of Lee Corso putting on headgear and Lou Holtz doing Lou Holtz stuff culminates with the best from each conference squaring off for supremacy. The ultimate prize, a trip to the BCS championship game, is reachable for a few teams. For others, it's about a trip to a better bowl game and ending the year on a high note.
Many of us will spend the weekend in bars getting after it, so it felt appropriate for this edition of the Bargoer's Guide to College Football to preview the action by correlating it to the number of drinks each scenario feels like. (Hint: If Duke wins, seek medical attention immediately.)
Ohio State beats Michigan State and it doesn't matter what happens in the Auburn-Missouri game. Ohio State goes to the BCS title game because no one-loss BCS school has ever gone to the national title game ahead of an undefeated BCS school. You can't argue against history.
This sends SEC fans into a rage and several rounds of Fireball and Jameson shots take place. They don't stop talking about how Ohio State plays a weak schedule and that they'd be lucky to be .500 in the SEC.
Northern Illinois stomps Bowling Green and heads to its second consecutive BCS game. Get ready for lots of points on points on points thanks to quarterback Jordan Lynch, who has the Huskies scoring more than 42 per game.
Speak of the devil, Lynch gets an invite to New York as a Heisman Trophy finalist. This year he became only the fifth quarterback in college football history to rush and throw for 20 TDs in a season. Ball so hard.
Missouri beats Auburn and no, this is not an upset. Auburn wouldn't be where it is without an absolute miracle hail mary that should have been an interception versus Georgia, plus the field goal return touchdown versus Alabama. That's a lot of luck.
Missouri isn't getting the love Auburn is because Mizzou doesn't have the rich history and isn't seen as a perennial SEC powerhouse (it just joined the SEC last year). Missouri's only loss came against South Carolina in double overtime with its backup quarterback under center. As Rodney Dangerfield would say, "they don't get no respect."
When this happens, will SEC fans be crying for Missouri to be in the championship game like they were for Auburn? Probably not.
Drinks are starting to go down pretty easily and you are starting to feel a bit frisky. Michigan State beats Ohio State and SEC homers everywhere celebrate like "The Dukes of Hazzard" is making a comeback.
The Spartans might be the most underrated team in college football, thanks to a defense that gives up only 11.8 points per game, which is fourth in the nation. In five of their past six games, they have held their opponent to single-digit points. No team this year has held Ohio State to fewer than 31 points, so not only is Sparty's defense going to need to show up, but its offense needs to bring the pain too.
SEVEN DRINKS AND A JAGER BOMB
Lynch wins the Heisman because character actually matters. Jameis Winston put up phenomenal numbers, but this drawn-out scandal isn't something Heisman voters like. Texas A&M wasn't all that this year, so Johnny Football isn't winning. Andre Williams from Boston College … who? A.J. McCarron is probably the biggest non-Jordan-Lynch-plays-in-the-MAC obstacle after Winston. That 99-yard bomb against Auburn looked to be McCarron's Heisman moment, but rarely do those moments happen in a loss.
YOU DON'T REMEMBER HOW MANY DRINKS YOU'VE HAD, BUT YOU KNOW YOU ARE READY FOR A RED BULL AND VODKA
Duke upsets Florida State, a 29-point favorite. Florida State is second in the nation in points per game (53.7) and first in points against (11) so this will be no easy task. Duke has won eight in a row and is having its greatest season ever (really). The magical season continues as everyone still buzzing over Jabari Parker plus a surprise appearance from Christian Laettner, and that's enough to lead the Blue Devils to victory somehow.
Duke beats Florida State, Michigan State beats Ohio State and Missouri beats Auburn. That would give us an all-SEC BCS championship game of Alabama vs. Missouri. Seems kind of far fetched, but so was a 109-yard return for a touchdown following a missed 57-yard field goal with no time left. If this happens, the Internet will break. Twice.
Check out more of RedEye special contributor Rob Cressy's writing at BaconSports.com or @BaconSports.Want more? Discuss this article and others on RedEye Sports' Facebook page.