<b>Dating My Wife</b>: The Long Ride Home

By Alan Zweibel

Sept. 11, 2008 2:52 PM PT

Weve just dropped our youngest of three children off at college. After helping her settle into her dorm and feeling assured she is indeed ready to embark on adulthood, my wife, Robin, and I get into the car to begin our journey back to a home that will be empty for the first time in 25 years. After a marathon silence, I speak.

ALAN So, howve you been?

ROBIN Since 1981?

Yeah.

Not bad.

Thats goodIts weird, isnt it, Robin?

That were actually alone?

Yeah.

Real weird. Theres still a part of me that thinks if I turn around, Ill see one or all of them in the backseat.

You think its possible for us to pick up where we left off 27 years ago?

It sure would be nice, wouldnt it?

Ill say. What would you say we were doing this time 27 years ago?

Probably having sex.

Youre probably rightRobin?

Yeah?

Would you like to have sex?

Sure.

Great! Great! Great!

Alan?

Yes, honey?

Why are you pulling off the road?

This is going to be so great!

Why are you driving toward the woods?

So we can engage in sexual relations.

Alan-

I think I see a little clearing over there.

Alan!

What?

I dont want to do this-

But you just said

Not in the car!

Why not?

Because were in our fifties

But thats my point.

Whats your point?!

That those damn kids crimped our style when we were in our thirties and forties, and we just cant let another decade go by without a little roadside romance. Could you kindly take your shirt offand tilt your seat backward?

No.

No?

Alan, no. No car sex in some woods off the highway.

You sure?

Yes, Im sure.

Youve changed a lot since 1981.

Three hours later. Im still behind the wheel. Robin is playing sudoku. I speak first.

Mexican?

Mexican what?

Mexican food.

What about Mexican food?

Robin, you said you were hungry, so Im suggesting Mexican food.

Oh.

Not in the mood?

Not really.

Okay.

Ive never been in the mood for Mexican food, Alan.

What do you mean?

I hate Mexican food.

Youre kidding.

Always have, Alan.

Then what about all those times we went to all of those Mexican restaurants?

What about them?

You werent enjoying yourself?

Sure, I was enjoying myself.

But?

But I never ate anything, did I?

I never noticed.

Well, I wasnt eating.

So why didnt you say something?

Because I knew you and the kids liked Mexican food, so-

So, you just went along with it?

Yep.

Wow.

Three hours later. I am driving. Robin is reading. I speak first.

What are you reading?

A photography article.

Youre interested in photography?

Alan, Ive been interested in photography for years now.

Yeah, I know, but-

Why do you think I have all of those cameras?

You have a lot of cameras?

Youre kidding, right?

Of course Im kidding.

Ever since I started taking all those classes.

Classes?

You do know that Ive taken photography classes.

Absolutely, Robin.

Really?

Yeah, at night.

Alanmy God, you know nothing about me.

I wouldnt say that.

I would. And it makes me sad.

Hey, even if we have drifted apart a little, now that we have no distractions, isnt this the perfect time for us to get reacquainted? To get in touch with what attracted us to each other in the first place?

I guess so

Come on, its going to be exciting getting to know each other again.

Uh-huh

Dont you?

Yes, but Im also scared, Alan.

Why?

What if we dont have anything in common anymore? Or if were no longer attracted to those things that brought us together in the first place?

You mean what if weve evolved into two completely different people at this point?

Yes.

Into total strangers with virtually no knowledge of each other?

Yes.

Into a man and a woman who are basically anonymous and just happen to be in the same place at the same time?