Prior to Bush's speech, a peppy video montage included a young man who talked about becoming the next Stephen King. This was an odd choice, given that King has been vocally opposed to Mitt Romney, arguing for higher taxes on the wealthy in a Daily Beast column and saying of Romney: "I want you to acknowledge that in America, we all should have to pay our fair share."
For the first time, the convention touched on Romney's Mormon faith. A man who was an assistant to Romney when he was a bishop took the stage and carefully explained that Romney is actually a "merman," the mythical male equivalent of a mermaid.
Romney is later expected to ride into the convention hall astride a pair of dolphins.
Hair-helmet vs. Obama, with a side of Eastwood 2:20 PM CDT
Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney is reportedly prepping for his big speech tonight by getting his hair-helmet buffed and his oil changed. No details of the speech have been leaked yet, but there are rumors it will include several statements indicating he does not particularly care for President Barack Obama.
Convention delegates are still buzzing about the identity of the so-called "mystery speaker" on tonight's schedule. U.S. News & World Report is claiming the speaker will be actor and director Clint Eastwood.
This would make sense, as Eastwood is a longtime Republican and famous for a number of quotes that mesh well with today's GOP, including:
-- "I have a very strict gun control policy: if there's a gun around, I want to be in control of it."
-- "I tried being reasonable. I didn't like it."
-- "I like lining the walkway to my garden with poor people because they're soft to step on."
(OK, I may have made that last one up.)
Paul Ryan, Zeppelin fan; the 'other' Bush 9:28 AM CDT
After two days of electrifying speeches, tonight is the GOP National Convention's main event. Unfortunately for Republicans gathered in Tampa, the main event involves one Willard Mitt "Jazz Hands" Romney, the man the party nominated for president only after carefully screening virtually every other Republican with a pulse.
Known for powerful emotions that range from "awkwardly jovial" to "awkwardly serious," Romney has his work cut out for him, particularly after his vice presidential pick Paul Ryan lit up the room last night.
Speaking of Ryan's speech, the reviews are in from the lamestream media, with the Washington Post calling it "misleading" and Bloomberg calling it "hypocritical." Or as Donald Trump would call it, "PERFECT!!"
Before Romney accepts the nomination tonight, delegates will hear from former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush. (Rumor has it his brother, former President George W. Bush, might sneak on stage and pants him.) Also on the schedule is Florida Sen. Marco Rubio, a darling of the Tea Party and one of the few Latino people that Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer does not want to deport.
On a sad note, heavy metal music passed away last night, shortly after the clean-cut, Eddie Haskell-like Paul Ryan told America that his iPod playlist "starts with AC/DC and it ends with Zeppelin." Members of Metallica, Iron Maiden and Slayer released a joint statement saying: "We've had a great ride folks, but clearly our time is over. If you need us, we'll be sitting in our kick-ass vans crying."
'Biceps' Ryan and Condi's lipstick 10:37 PM CD